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All the dreams I want to achieve keep failing and it's hard to keep going...
- I've always wanted a youtube playbutton. always been a dream of mine... But I've been FIGHTING the fucking YT algorithm since 2010 and only NOW reached 16k subs. you need 100,000 subs. I'm not even half way there and I'm gonna be 30 in january. I get it, it's expected to be something EVERY youtuber struggles with. so then I GUESS I gotta give up on my dream for a yt play button if thats the reality...


- It's ALWAYS been a dream to be apart of an animation team..... to be PAID as a cleanup animator.... HELL I'd even settle for less and be a storyboarder....but everytime I apply places I NEVER. Get hired in... I've been tryina apply for spindlehorse since 2022 anytime I see job apps open... also tried applying for animation jobs on CCC and I'm just. OVERshadowed by better people...


- Another backup dream that I was hoping would get big is when I learned how to make Vtubers... I WANTED SO BADLY to sell Vtuber commissions.... like if I couldn't get a real job in animation I would love to BE commissioned for Vtuber rigs for people.... The problem with this is that I'm not an ANIME artist... I cannot stand the anime style or drawing it... I got completely discouraged by someone who wanted an anime Vtuber from me but When I did a test style sketch for the person she really said"Mmm... Too chibi for me. ".... so people would rather drop $4,000 - $8,000 On really impressive anime VTUBERS....? instead of paying my prices for a really detailed Cartoony vtuber with toggles of your choice? because that's the exact price that professional vtubers charge... My favorite V Tuber literally charges $5000 for FULL body, full face tracking, with rigging AND in their style... that's three times the number of the rent that I have to pay monthly.... And I get it... i'm not bashing the artists or V tuber riggers that charge that much... Those prices are very understandable Because I know and understand how Vtubers work. I KNOW it's a lengthy DIFFICULT process. I make them for myself...
But I charge $500 for my Vtubers because I'd rather keep my vtubers affordable while also keeping them At a price of what I feel like my 2d models are worth... Because the last thing I want to do is undersell my work..... I'm just saying it's really crazy that some people would rather buy eight thousand dollar vtubers then to go to someone who really needs work and financial help......
I REALLY just feel like i'm failing as a vtuber artist....


- on TOP of this... I really wanna get paid for being a twitch streamer.... technically I DO get paid.... But not enough to comfortably pay the bills... I would need 50 concurrent viewers in order for me to comfortably pay some of my bills.... but i'm just not enough...... this is one of the reasons why I don't stream anymore on twitch much.... Because I've been doing this so much so to the point where it really feels like it's all for nothing............... What's the point in giving everything my all when all it is is for nothing.....


- This is on the bottom of my list but I thought about being a voice actress... doesnt matter if it's for SFW or NSFW content... it's in the back of my head.... I wouldn't say that it's a dream to be a V A... but I guess it's a last resort.... And if I'm being honest with you I'm at the point of my life where I feel like if I really have to tap into this last resort everything else is a no go when it comes to achieving my dreams..... I do have fun voice acting... But I feel like it's not enough or a good thing to do that will help me pay my bills...we'll see ig....


- I also really wanna see my indie show succeed.... But I don't have the money to put forth a PROPER show..... in order to get my show going I need money TO pay a team.... But in order to pay my team I need to find a job but I can't handle a job because of autism... And any of the dreams I have I'm not even able to save up properly because all my money is being funneled into rent and bills and the cycle is DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY......


Why am I venting this on youtube? because this channel used to post constantly.
I used to animate and draw for the love of the game....



but after my life sort of fell apart and I lost my roommates And all of the financial instability fell upon me, well... NOW I'm at the point in my life where I'm venting this because I'm not doing well financially.... it has been over a year of constant financial struggles.... And during this time frame i've actually Lost the motivation Stopped getting joy out of the things I once loved doing because I'm constantly on the grind to do things in hopes I get paid for it .....
there's one thing all of these dreams have in common....
it's stuff I want to do as a job financially... Because I'm a broken person who can't actually handle an ACTUAL retail or stocking shelves jobor ANY of that...



I hate this because it's not that I care about the views or the popularity because it's just numbers on the screen at the end of the day..... The unfortunate problem is the fact that big numbers and big viewer counts means big money... AND financial stability.... Something I long for and crave because I don't know what to do...
Do I have to keep climbing every single day just to fail at each goal I want to achieve? I understand that this stuff isn't easy to achieve but I've been putting my all in on everything that I do but it really just feels like I'm gonna keep trying to climb and achieve a dream that's unrealistically too far away for me to reach and i'm just gonna keep doing this until the day I die just to fail....

My whole life I felt like a failure.. I literally cannot even hold a job.. I can't even drive or get my license... I feel horrible about life and I just feel like this nobody.....

Once upon a time I started doing animation and art Because it was a passion that I love doing but nowadays ever since I started living alone it's been a consistent struggle because of my financial situation.... I am so worn out with Financial struggles in dealing with this alone.... I'm at the point in my life where things I once loved doing is starting to have dull meaning..... I'm at the point of my life where I'm just doing all this now just to hope and pray that it gets me money because it's a dream to be able to PAY THE BILLS from the things I loved doing......... but I'm failing........ I'm actually failing.........
I feel like I'm eventually going to die a nobody. Because I achieved nothing in life that means anything to those around me and I don't wanna be some nobody....
But I also don't wanna constantly keep financially stressing out every single day 'cause I'm losing my hair...........................
I really wish I wasn't autistic so I didntcould handle actually functioning at a damn job but I just can't i've tried...........
I'm at least grateful that I have government funds monthly that help me with my rent and bills but it only goes so far......... im STILL struggling.....and im so tired of it......

I don't want to have to give up my independency and sell my house to live with my ABUSIVE AF family again, But I've been heavily contemplating doing this for weeks now........................ but I know if I did that I'd be more miserable because my mom and dad are verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive so I really don't know what to do...............

11 hours ago (edited) | [YT] | 62

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I'm live on twitch animating a really smooth project I'm proud of tbh.. www.twitch.tv/feathersketchcreations
Tbh I didn't really wanna go live bc it feels pointless bc Not alot of people watch me on streams as much as I wish... but hey. I'm gonna try. Animating On stream tonight. bare with me if I don't talk much..

1 day ago | [YT] | 108

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Heyhey! Just a small lil announcement. For whatever reason whenever people post fanner and mention my channel name, I never get the notification for it. :c I don’t know why and I have no clue how to fix it but it’s been doing this for a few months now. For future reference if anyone ever does, any art, if you want to ensure that I see it, on my channel there’s a community tab! You guys are more than welcome to post anything there if wanna make sure I see it!

2 days ago | [YT] | 102

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uh uh uh um um um so I caved and made a Digital circus oc based off the drinker birb and not only that but I may or may not simp for caine and may ship oc x caine LOL

3 days ago | [YT] | 252

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Polyship art of Blitz and my ocs Tiziri and Remi! ^^
they're stargazing in the sloth ring which is Tiziri's favorite thing since shes a moonlight imp.
Haven't drawn these three and so long!!
the angle could be better. I was practicing perspective ^^
Tiziri and remi (c) mine
Moonlight imp species (c) mine
Helluvaboss and it's characters (c) vivziepop
#helluvaboss #helluvabossoc #helluvabossfanart #helluvabossblitz #helluvabossblitzo

4 days ago | [YT] | 325

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NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE HOW PROUD I AM OF THIS WIP!!!!!
>w<

5 days ago | [YT] | 276

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Forgot to share here that I got a boyfriend now and he's super sweet!! I'm so happy... <3
Love you SO MUCH ‪@SEDthepanda‬

1 week ago | [YT] | 313

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If you love me let me go...........

1 week ago | [YT] | 192

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I'm live on twitch and youtube!!! www.twitch.tv/feathersketchcreations
Working on an animation!! and maybe some art after!
#helluvaboss #helluvabossfanart

1 week ago | [YT] | 14

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Just wanna say thank you to my YouTube subscribers (my FeatherSketch flock!! ) for having so much patience for waiting on my animations… it has been so hard to get back into doing things at ALL for over a year due to everything sorta falling apart in my life.. but it’s safe to say rn that I’m slowly trying to get back into things again… Been working on animations again slowly but surely… and I’m coming out of my really bad mental health mindset slowly but surely.

Thank you for the patience.. good things come to those who wait. Trust me when I say my animations I’m working on will be worth the wait.. thank you for 16,000+ subscribers on YouTube!! Slowly but surely I’m climbing up… heh. Maybe one day I’ll reach my goal of 100k. I’m gonna keep doing my best.

So here’s a wip rough animation.

1 week ago | [YT] | 315