Hi everyone~ Long message incoming so please bear with me. It's been awhile since I've made any proper announcement about what's been going on in terms of my content and what I want to do with myself but I've finally gathered the courage to speak to you guys about how I've been feeling that last 6 months.
I've written a post like this one that I'm about to share multiple times, wondering exactly what it is I even wanted to say. I was just constantly drafting and deleting notes on my phone over and over the last few months just trying to put the feelings I've had towards content creation into words. I've always been open about my mental health with my community but I couldn't even figure out what it was about my mental that I wanted to share with you guys.
The best way I can describe what happened the last few months is I was just felt paralyzed by fear. The fear of trying to record and post again to YouTube after always having to be away due to personal issues and failing to keep my promises of content that I was previously really excited about. My passion started to dwindle even more when I was constantly comparing myself to how I was when I was really in my bag about content creation with P3R. It hurt seeing the drive I once had because for some reason, I just didn't know where to find it anymore. This ended up leading to me dwelling on multiple insecurities which in turn, made me so self-conscious about showing my face during streams. I felt like with a camera on, the shame I felt with being a shitty creator would show. I couldn't get myself to edit things I've already recorded and when I tried, I felt like I was just constantly watching myself put on a facade. I didn't feel like myself and I really didn't know what I could do to help that.
During my attempts of doing Persona 1 streams, while I did enjoy the game as I was going through it, there were moments during streams where I felt myself dissociating. I felt mini-mental spirals happening live on stream, making it ridiculously difficult for me to keep up the energy I felt I needed in the videos I was recording. I'd sit in my video editing program, see the moments of me dissociating and I'd just close the window because I felt so embarrassed. I'm sure no one would've been able to tell, especially since it was never brought up in livestreams, but seeing footage of myself when I was feeling so low and trying to keep up really messed me up mentally.
I won't sit here and whine about content creation being hard. I'm sitting here playing video games and really who can complain about that. I won't make it seem like my problems are bigger than other's because again, I'm just someone who acts silly on the internet. But man...it has been rough trying to be consistent and all I can really say is sorry. While I have still been streaming on Twitch, I find it so hard to stand on my own and be solo on stream now. I've constantly been streaming with homies and I know that's not the reason a lot of people in my audience decided to follow me. Just been feeling like such a disappointment in so many aspects that it's been weighing down on me heavily.
All I can promise to you guys now is that I'll try my best because that's really all I can do and it's all the people who care about me can ask for. Thank you to everyone who's been sticking around and dropping by my streams when they can and for those who have offered me words of support during this really low point of content creation for me.
I have some small things lined up for content coming up which I've mentioned a few times in the server that while isn't what I'm typically known for, is something that will be pushing me towards trying to grind for bigger things in the future. I hope you guys enjoy my climb back up to who I was before.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. See you guys soon :)
tl;dr Euni's brain is stupid but brain is starting to not be as stupid so you'll get content again~
Sorry I couldn’t upload while I was gone BUT this was the internet I was dealing with while I was here with family LOL HOWEVER being back home with my grandparents in the motherland brought me such a needed mental reset. Excited to be back~ Missed you guys a lot T^T See you guys soon!
Hi everyone! Some important updates for the next few weeks~
• Break From Jan 29th-Feb 13th: I will be spending time with my grandma in the Philippines for the first time in almost 10 years! I bit the bullet and destroyed my bank account to fly out for her 80th birthday at the end of this month. For those who don't know, late last year I got the terrifying news that she suffered a stroke but thankfully she was able to get the care she needed and has been recovering well~ With how old my grandparents are getting, it just felt like there's no reason to keep pushing my time to see them because you really never know with older people. Money comes and goes but my time with them is priceless.
With that being said, I'm planning a donothon for when I come back just to soften the blow of me flying out. I always feel so awkward asking for help with expenses like this or even planning subathons but with Pan getting sick recently and now my trip, I do want to backflip off my roof LMFAO. More info about that will be announced in the coming weeks. Ofc feel free to donate to this link whenever as well: streamlabs.com/eunibuni/tip
• Cyberpunk 2077 Uploads: I have exactly 4 videos that I'm able to post while I'm gone so I will be streaming some side quests and story grind this week alongside whatever shenanigans I decide to do with the homies before I leave~ I was planning on uploading last week but I thought I'd give my first upload in literal weeks to breathe a bit. YT algorithm stresses me out T_T
• Lastly, I hope you guys are staying safe and warm! For the first time, I saw snow piled outside my window. The Californian in me never experienced a snow day so it was cool (no pun intended) but I know more areas are probably impacted way harder than where I'm at. Stay cozy~
P5X's 3rd Palace pts 2 & 3 will be uploaded as one big video tomorrow (Sun 1/18)!! Will be uploading Cyberpunk videos I have recorded throughout the week~ We'll be having us meeting Johnny as well as our missions with Panam and Judy c: See you guys then ^^
Hi everyone~ Sorry for disappearing for a bit. The end of last year was pretty hard and you know how holidays with family can be aha...I put some updates here and there on twitter and discord but never here on YT because in all honesty, I was a little embarrassed for just dipping the way I did. Lots of things happened but I'm looking forward to a better year with you guys! I'll be back this week with P5X and Cyberpunk~ See you VERY soon ^^
Hello friends~ Currently dealing with jetlag but I hope you guys enjoyed your Christmas! I’ll be back tomorrow, Monday 12/29. Was hoping to be back sooner but 1. I ended up staying an extra day and 2. I’m catching up on some rest after all the family parties I had to go through in Cali LOL See you guys soon!💕
Hello to all the new subs and people looking forward to my Cyberpunk 2077 playthrough~ I'll be taking a little break from streams and content for a since I'll be out of town but we'll be back to it once I get back on the 27th! I was supposed to stream a bit before I flew out but my schedule got a little crazy. Thank you guys for understanding and see you guys soon ^^
For the who were looking forward to my Cyberpunk stream today I will be canceling just for tonight! I cannot get over my brain fog since my insomnia has been so bad. I'll be doing a longer stream tomorrow afternoon to make up for it. I've been sitting here trying to get coherent but I deadass cannot get myself together right now. I'm so sorry T_T
Forgive me for my delay with my Dispatch finale. Insomnia kicked in 😭 I’ve been having trouble sleeping and was dealing with pretty bad brain fog. Goal is to get it uploaded tomorrow~ Thank you for your patience!
This week, we’ll be starting my first ever playthrough of Cyberpunk 2077!!!! This game will be what my content will be focused on for a bit. I’m really excited to share my experience with you guys.
As for my SMT V:V playthrough, I’ll get back to it eventually. PROMISE! I really love the game but I also wanted to switch off from Atlus stuff. Anything to keep changing the pace for my brain.
eunibuni
Hi everyone~ Long message incoming so please bear with me. It's been awhile since I've made any proper announcement about what's been going on in terms of my content and what I want to do with myself but I've finally gathered the courage to speak to you guys about how I've been feeling that last 6 months.
I've written a post like this one that I'm about to share multiple times, wondering exactly what it is I even wanted to say. I was just constantly drafting and deleting notes on my phone over and over the last few months just trying to put the feelings I've had towards content creation into words. I've always been open about my mental health with my community but I couldn't even figure out what it was about my mental that I wanted to share with you guys.
The best way I can describe what happened the last few months is I was just felt paralyzed by fear. The fear of trying to record and post again to YouTube after always having to be away due to personal issues and failing to keep my promises of content that I was previously really excited about. My passion started to dwindle even more when I was constantly comparing myself to how I was when I was really in my bag about content creation with P3R. It hurt seeing the drive I once had because for some reason, I just didn't know where to find it anymore. This ended up leading to me dwelling on multiple insecurities which in turn, made me so self-conscious about showing my face during streams. I felt like with a camera on, the shame I felt with being a shitty creator would show. I couldn't get myself to edit things I've already recorded and when I tried, I felt like I was just constantly watching myself put on a facade. I didn't feel like myself and I really didn't know what I could do to help that.
During my attempts of doing Persona 1 streams, while I did enjoy the game as I was going through it, there were moments during streams where I felt myself dissociating. I felt mini-mental spirals happening live on stream, making it ridiculously difficult for me to keep up the energy I felt I needed in the videos I was recording. I'd sit in my video editing program, see the moments of me dissociating and I'd just close the window because I felt so embarrassed. I'm sure no one would've been able to tell, especially since it was never brought up in livestreams, but seeing footage of myself when I was feeling so low and trying to keep up really messed me up mentally.
I won't sit here and whine about content creation being hard. I'm sitting here playing video games and really who can complain about that. I won't make it seem like my problems are bigger than other's because again, I'm just someone who acts silly on the internet. But man...it has been rough trying to be consistent and all I can really say is sorry. While I have still been streaming on Twitch, I find it so hard to stand on my own and be solo on stream now. I've constantly been streaming with homies and I know that's not the reason a lot of people in my audience decided to follow me. Just been feeling like such a disappointment in so many aspects that it's been weighing down on me heavily.
All I can promise to you guys now is that I'll try my best because that's really all I can do and it's all the people who care about me can ask for. Thank you to everyone who's been sticking around and dropping by my streams when they can and for those who have offered me words of support during this really low point of content creation for me.
I have some small things lined up for content coming up which I've mentioned a few times in the server that while isn't what I'm typically known for, is something that will be pushing me towards trying to grind for bigger things in the future. I hope you guys enjoy my climb back up to who I was before.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. See you guys soon :)
tl;dr Euni's brain is stupid but brain is starting to not be as stupid so you'll get content again~
19 hours ago | [YT] | 134
View 8 replies
eunibuni
Sorry I couldn’t upload while I was gone BUT this was the internet I was dealing with while I was here with family LOL HOWEVER being back home with my grandparents in the motherland brought me such a needed mental reset. Excited to be back~ Missed you guys a lot T^T See you guys soon!
3 months ago | [YT] | 96
View 4 replies
eunibuni
Hi everyone! Some important updates for the next few weeks~
• Break From Jan 29th-Feb 13th: I will be spending time with my grandma in the Philippines for the first time in almost 10 years! I bit the bullet and destroyed my bank account to fly out for her 80th birthday at the end of this month. For those who don't know, late last year I got the terrifying news that she suffered a stroke but thankfully she was able to get the care she needed and has been recovering well~ With how old my grandparents are getting, it just felt like there's no reason to keep pushing my time to see them because you really never know with older people. Money comes and goes but my time with them is priceless.
With that being said, I'm planning a donothon for when I come back just to soften the blow of me flying out. I always feel so awkward asking for help with expenses like this or even planning subathons but with Pan getting sick recently and now my trip, I do want to backflip off my roof LMFAO. More info about that will be announced in the coming weeks. Ofc feel free to donate to this link whenever as well: streamlabs.com/eunibuni/tip
• Cyberpunk 2077 Uploads: I have exactly 4 videos that I'm able to post while I'm gone so I will be streaming some side quests and story grind this week alongside whatever shenanigans I decide to do with the homies before I leave~ I was planning on uploading last week but I thought I'd give my first upload in literal weeks to breathe a bit. YT algorithm stresses me out T_T
• Lastly, I hope you guys are staying safe and warm! For the first time, I saw snow piled outside my window. The Californian in me never experienced a snow day so it was cool (no pun intended) but I know more areas are probably impacted way harder than where I'm at. Stay cozy~
That's all from me for now. See you guys soon!
4 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 133
View 6 replies
eunibuni
P5X's 3rd Palace pts 2 & 3 will be uploaded as one big video tomorrow (Sun 1/18)!! Will be uploading Cyberpunk videos I have recorded throughout the week~ We'll be having us meeting Johnny as well as our missions with Panam and Judy c: See you guys then ^^
4 months ago | [YT] | 63
View 0 replies
eunibuni
Hi everyone~ Sorry for disappearing for a bit. The end of last year was pretty hard and you know how holidays with family can be aha...I put some updates here and there on twitter and discord but never here on YT because in all honesty, I was a little embarrassed for just dipping the way I did. Lots of things happened but I'm looking forward to a better year with you guys! I'll be back this week with P5X and Cyberpunk~ See you VERY soon ^^
4 months ago | [YT] | 109
View 3 replies
eunibuni
Hello friends~ Currently dealing with jetlag but I hope you guys enjoyed your Christmas! I’ll be back tomorrow, Monday 12/29. Was hoping to be back sooner but 1. I ended up staying an extra day and 2. I’m catching up on some rest after all the family parties I had to go through in Cali LOL See you guys soon!💕
5 months ago | [YT] | 60
View 2 replies
eunibuni
Hello to all the new subs and people looking forward to my Cyberpunk 2077 playthrough~ I'll be taking a little break from streams and content for a since I'll be out of town but we'll be back to it once I get back on the 27th! I was supposed to stream a bit before I flew out but my schedule got a little crazy. Thank you guys for understanding and see you guys soon ^^
5 months ago | [YT] | 94
View 3 replies
eunibuni
First part of our Cyberpunk 2077 playthrough is now up! c: enjoy :D
5 months ago | [YT] | 5
View 0 replies
eunibuni
For the who were looking forward to my Cyberpunk stream today I will be canceling just for tonight! I cannot get over my brain fog since my insomnia has been so bad. I'll be doing a longer stream tomorrow afternoon to make up for it. I've been sitting here trying to get coherent but I deadass cannot get myself together right now. I'm so sorry T_T
5 months ago | [YT] | 72
View 5 replies
eunibuni
Announcement time woo:
Forgive me for my delay with my Dispatch finale. Insomnia kicked in 😭 I’ve been having trouble sleeping and was dealing with pretty bad brain fog. Goal is to get it uploaded tomorrow~ Thank you for your patience!
This week, we’ll be starting my first ever playthrough of Cyberpunk 2077!!!! This game will be what my content will be focused on for a bit. I’m really excited to share my experience with you guys.
As for my SMT V:V playthrough, I’ll get back to it eventually. PROMISE! I really love the game but I also wanted to switch off from Atlus stuff. Anything to keep changing the pace for my brain.
That’s all from me! Happy 1st of the month~!
5 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 121
View 15 replies
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