Rodney Dangerfield

“I want to leave you with one last thought. Every man has his tale of woe. Unfortunately in life, there’s more woe than tail.”

4 hours ago | [YT] | 136

Rodney Dangerfield

“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler’s checks.”

1 day ago | [YT] | 2,124

Rodney Dangerfield

“My old man. When we used to play catch, he dropped me.”

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 1,155

Rodney Dangerfield

“I tell ya one thing about me. I say no to drugs. When people ask me for some of my drugs, I say no.” (Artwork by Anthony Jenkins)

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 1,804

Rodney Dangerfield

“Are you kidding? When I was your age, I would lug fifty pounds of ice up five, six flights of stairs!”

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 2,101

Rodney Dangerfield

“Nunzio’s, it was a tough place. I sat down to eat, I looked at my finger bowl. There were three fingers in it.”

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 275

Rodney Dangerfield

“I asked my old man—he was seventy-six; he died when he was seventy-eight—I said, ‘What’s the answer to life? You’re an old codger. You lived through vaudeville for twenty-five years. And after that, you were a customs man, in the stock market. You did very well. So what’s the answer to this whole thing?’ He looked at me, and he said, ‘It’s all bullshit.’” (📷: Annie Leibovitz, 1980)

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 1,552

Rodney Dangerfield

“I got the wrong doctor. You know my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz. What a doctor, are you kidding? I called him up. I told him I had diarrhea. He put me on hold.”

1 month ago | [YT] | 885

Rodney Dangerfield

Story from Phillip P:
“Saw Rodney in Las Vegas. The cocktail waitress was from my hometown. I showed her the 45 I had of Rappin’ Rodney and told her I’d like to get it signed. She said, ‘Give it to me, I’ll have his wife give it to him to sign.’ This is the funny part. The waitress came back and told me the wife said, ‘Tell the guy that I slipped the 45 to Rodney while he was using the bathroom and he signed it.’ So Rodney was taking a dump after the show and signed it. This was at MGM around the mid 90’s. Still have that and the tie. Rodney Dangerfield was the best.”

2 months ago | [YT] | 1,247

Rodney Dangerfield

“I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. She’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive... the refrigerator.”

2 months ago | [YT] | 744