TheGamingSheepy_AJ

(warning this is a long post, and I get a bit personal)

Taking a break didn't seem to work, because.. whenever I got YT back I just.... started doom scrolling again.
I need a more productive lifestyle, so I'm gonna stop watching YouTube and Instagram all together as a whole ( but I'll probably do weekly check ups, we'll just have to see though 😅🫶 ),
so nothing really changes for you guys lol, expect I just might be a bit less active.

The reason why I don't want to doom scroll anymore is because lately whenever I'm lazy,
I mess up or I feel uncomfortable, I run to my phone and doom scroll to try and ease the stress, BUT IT JUST MAKES IT WORSE... And when I pray I feel insane and that I'm just talking to myself. I'm also significantly less sincere than I wish I was, and I end up just breaking/shutting down because I can't pray wholeheartedly.


To be fully transparent, I've "wanted" to leave Christianity because I feel that I'm too annoying...what I find annoying is: I laugh when I mess up, and then get really mad that I'm laughing when I should feel bad about what I've done wrong, which makes me irritable so I bully myself which makes me feel insane and mentally ill, and also depressed because the words I say to myself actually hurt :c
There is also some other stuff, but I don't think I am prepared to tell anyone right now, I'm just overall failing in my walk 😭✌️

I don't want to leave Jesus, I just want to stop acting like a fool, and simply do it right.
...I don't know what to do 💔
I've had this question a lot, and still don't know.
And


... how do you repent? I've tried to pray but I've been doing something wrong because it's not helping me.
Tbh, I've felt like such a lie for the last year and a half. People here and my friends at church see me as such a loving girl who knows her Bible and has a great relationship with the Lord, but that's literally a lie!! I don't want people making me seem more innocent then I actually am... I'm tired, I just want help and not be told I'm doing NOTHING wrong, or that the Lord "knows my heart" yes, my heart is wickedly evil and I need help, being reassured that the Lord knows my heart, doesn't help me.





Anyway, I'm sorry for this. Please, please wish me the best of luck as I try to get hobbies and do productive things, I really need holy spirit conviction... 🥲🙏 Love you guys sm!

3 days ago | [YT] | 11

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

Happy father's day! Apologizes to both my father's that I don't talk to nearly enough 😅🩷

5 days ago | [YT] | 15

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

youtube.com/playlist?list=PLm...

1 week ago | [YT] | 3

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

I've been reading Esther lately, and I read a verse yesterday that was so good, I wanted to share it with you guys!

Esther 4:13-14
"Do not think because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. 14 For if you REMAIN SILENT at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"

(For some context, a man named Xerxes [zurk-seez] who was the king at that time, had chosen a new Queen who happened to be a Jewish woman named Esther [they were unaware she was Jewish]. When they sent out word to take the lives of every Jew.
The verse I just showed you was a letter to Esther by Mordecai--[Esther's family member] Esther was afraid to ask the king to spare the Jews because it was against the law that anyone should go to the king if he hadn't first called them to stand before him.)

Some big points in the passage that I thought were super good and interesting, are...
1. Your state of being does not determine your worth. Esther being the Queen did not mean she was more favorable by God, and that she wouldn't be affected by the mass annihilation of the Jewish people. (Do not think you are better than anyone else, but also don't think you are worse than anyone else, before Esther was Queen, she was an orphan, and God raised her up to a higher place.)

2. God makes a way for His people. Even if Esther hadn't stepped up to save the Jewish people, God would have sent someone else, if you are not willing to do God's will, He will pick someone else. ( We do have a choice, so if we just sit around doing nothing then literally nothing will happen, but we can always still get back up so don't get too hard on yourself 🩷)

3. God puts people in certain situations and roles for specific reasons. God chose Esther to be the Queen so that the Jewish people could be saved from the hand of Haman.

Where are you right now in life, and what can you do to walk in the direction of God's will? Maybe that's trying different hobbies, helping others, studying for your future, and literally anything else you feel God is pulling you towards!
God bless 🙌💕

1 week ago | [YT] | 12

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

Watch this!! It's so good ⭐⭐⭐⭐🌟

1 week ago | [YT] | 3

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

(TW warning)

I thought this was super cool, but I didn't know who to tell it too, so I'll tell you guys!

Okay, so as of late, I've been interested in the Eucharist, for anyone who is unaware, in easy to understand terms, it's the bread and "wine"(most of the time grape juice, at least for Protestant churches) that are taken during Church, and a belief in catholisum is that Jesus literally becomes the bread and wine, which is called substantiation or transubstantiation, not sure which one.

ANYWAY so naturally I thought, "well do we actually have any evidence behind this belief?" And the answer is most definitely "yes!"
(I totally recommend everyone reading this to look up miracles with the Eucharist, because it's so cool!)
Something I thought was interesting is that many stories where the bread(Eucharist) would start having red liquid coming out of it, they would get the red liquid, which they believed to be blood, tested and the blood type was AB, which, fun fact, is 0.6% of the US population, it is the rarest blood type in the world. And every time they have found blood in the Eucharist, (depending on the time of the miracle because these miracles date back to 8th century, so they might have not had the technology) but the ones that they did test, have the AB blood type, and yes, they did also test the Priest to make sure that is wasn't theirs.

I actually told my sister one of the stories and she told me it sounded satanic, I do not believe that it is because there is no reason for Satan to give more evidence for Jesus' existence. The transubstantiation is one of the main beliefs in Catholisum, that Jesus is literally present in the Eucharist, why would Satan, who wants to destroy the faith of believers, do miracles that would give them more faith? As Jesus says in Matthew 12:25-26 "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. If Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?"

Anyway, I have faith that these miracles are all real, and I think it's so beautiful that Jesus' blood type is AB... Jesus is so special in every way 😭🩷

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 11

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

People hate taking accountability for their actions, whether that's having an abortion as a form of birth control (which is 99% of the time), or having a child and not thinking through that their child could be born with a disability.
Nobody is a "glitch" or a mistake, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, God created man(kind) and said it was, "very good"
it doesn't matter what parts of yourself you dislike, mental or physical disabilities, insecurities, doesn't matter, God made you and is proud of His creation.

This might be controversial, but the world looks at someone who is special needs and says, "you came from the sin of this world" but God says, "I created you in my *perfect* image, special and wonderful you are."
Neurodivergent people are such a blessing from God. I just know that Jesus looks at each person He has created, and loves them so much.

https://youtu.be/OUlARXvUb8w?si=DqtpB...

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 5

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

Hello, still on break, but wanted to share something exciting...

I FOUND JOSIAH QUEEN ALBUM AT HOBBY LOBBY, WHAT!? I actually screamed so loudly, I was so excited!?!
I don't even have a CD player, I just wanted to posses such a beautiful thing 😭🙏

Anyway, it's only been two days, but not being on YouTube at all has helped me tremendously❗

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3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 15

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

🥺🫶🥞
(Shout-out to sister-in-law for makin' me pancake, very gucci 10 10 🤤)

1 month ago | [YT] | 8

TheGamingSheepy_AJ

Finally finished 😁🫶🐑 so excited to be able to share this with you guys!

1 month ago | [YT] | 5