🧠Advocate and Artist🎨
Spreading education and awareness about psychosis.
I’m Carolynn, and I am a person living with schizoaffective disorder, as well as CPTSD, borderline personality disorder, narcolepsy, and Ehlers Danlos syndrome. I am also a recovering addict and my clean date is 10/5/2019 which is a large contributor to why I am psychosis free today.
Psychosis is a life altering event, and after several episodes my life has changed many, many times. I have gone through an unnecessary amount of suffering - suffering that could have been prevented if I’d had more education about psychosis and wasn’t alone in my struggles. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the amount of pain I went through, so I try to bring awareness to this often stigmatized illness so that people can prevent the worst, or at the very least feel comforted that they’re not alone.
Carolynn Murray
Major life changes are inevitable, seasons come and go, but it’s still a shock to the system when your whole world changes. I’m going through a lot right now. I haven’t been as active here or on YouTube in several weeks while I’ve been figuring out my life and the uncertainty of what’s ahead. Losing my dad…leaving my job…and now the stress of losing another person has been weighing on me this last year.
A lot of you love John and have enjoyed him being in my videos. He’s been a pillar of my advocacy from the start. He even gets requested to be on videos from time to time. He’s been a fixture in my life for almost a decade but that’s not the case anymore. We separated and I’m going back to my maiden name, Carolynn Murray.
I won’t say much more than that, I think he deserves his privacy, but I’m sharing this because it does affect my advocacy and there will be changes to my work ahead. I’m not pressuring myself to push out content right now, it’s not a priority. There will probably be some inconsistency on my end for a while. Sharing the advocacy side of this situation is all I can really speak on. I hope you all understand.
2 months ago | [YT] | 124
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Carolynn Murray
Friends…I have had it with this f*cking video. I have been working on it for DAYS and have uploaded it twice, just to realize both times that there were errors that needed to be edited. I am just going to make it Thursday’s video and stop fucking stressing over it. Now I have to upload it a third time…oh joy. 😓
3 months ago | [YT] | 77
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Carolynn Murray
Hello everyone! Just a quick heads up to say that I will be posting this week’s video tomorrow, instead of today. It will be about healing from psychosis, so if you’re interested in that stay tuned!
3 months ago | [YT] | 61
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Carolynn Murray
This week has been momentous for my advocacy! Today I got to speak to law students at University of Washington about my experience with psychosis, routes of recovery, support outside of hospitalizations, and how I’ve recovered. The law professor even asked me to continue coming in for these talks in the future! It went really well and I think I did a good job.
Yesterday I continued the work I’ve been doing with Stanford and we recorded a training video for law enforcement in Washington state. Part of the video was an interview in which I shared my experiences with police in psychosis, including the time I was sexually abused by a police department. It was surreal getting to share that in a video that all police officers in Washington (including the ones who abused me) will see. I finally got closure on something I’ve carried with me for 10 years.
I’m feeling very proud of myself, and also like a weight has been lifted. For so many years I’ve wanted to do something about the police abuse and didn’t know what I could do. Then, I randomly got an email from Stanford asking me to do this project. I know I am privileged to be in this position because so many people have the same experience as me and can’t do anything about it. I hope that in speaking about my experience I can speak up for all the people like me who couldn’t do anything about it.
7 months ago | [YT] | 76
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Carolynn Murray
Hey y’all! Thanks so much for your support this week! Today would have been upload day and you were all so understanding and kind. I have one last treatment tomorrow and hopefully my migraines will go away after that. I am feeling much better today so I filmed next week’s video ahead of time since I probably won’t feel up to it next week after the treatment. I have a lot of comments to catch up on (gosh I’m so bad at answering them 😓) so if you haven’t heard back from me just know that I really value what you have to say and I’m a bit of a slow poke but I love hearing from you and want you to know how appreciated you are. Anyway, next week’s video should be a fun one - it’s all about catatonia! I hope you all like it! Thanks everyone ❤️
1 year ago | [YT] | 57
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Carolynn Murray
Hey friends, small announcement today. There won’t be a regularly scheduled video this week, as I’ve been having daily migraines for a while. I’m having these as a side effect to a treatment I’ve been getting and I’m not used to migraines so I’m not sure how to handle them, other than lying in the dark in silence. Sorry to anyone who looks forward to these weekly videos, hopefully the migraines die down and I’m able to film again next week.
1 year ago | [YT] | 48
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Carolynn Murray
Y’all, I am not having the greatest of times. I do work diligently throughout the week to focus on my videos and uploading them on time (although time zones vary) but these past couple days have been a marathon for me. This week’s video is done and ready to go, but I am tired. Like, MAN am I tired. I just need to shut out the world right now. It will be uploaded this weekend. I’m sorry to drop the ball, guys. I need tonight to recover.
2 years ago | [YT] | 49
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Carolynn Murray
Unfortunately, I won’t have today’s video uploaded because of some technological difficulties. I will do my best to resolve the issue as soon as possible and have the video up sometime soon. Here is a still from today’s video - an interview with my mom. Hopefully the wait won’t be too long! Sorry to everyone for the delay. Thank you for your patience.
2 years ago | [YT] | 17
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