Hail, Unconventionals!

A little behind the scenes for ya: The sun broke the bus, we're stuck in Oklahoma, and apparently I look like ... Jason Momoa?

11 hours ago | [YT] | 0

Hail, Unconventionals!

Falling Asleep During Movies: A Practical Handbook

I used to think falling asleep during a movie was something that happened to old people. You know the type: Grandpa sitting in a recliner with a blanket over his legs, insisting he was "just resting his eyes" ... despite snoring loudly enough to frighten wildlife.

As a younger man, I assumed that someday far off in the distant future, I too would acquire this mysterious ability. Then one evening, somewhere around my mid-fifties, I sat down to watch a movie I was genuinely excited about. Twenty minutes later I woke up to the closing credits and had no idea who won.

At first, I blamed Hollywood. That seemed reasonable. Perhaps modern movies had become boring. Maybe every plot was the same. (Marvel? Bleech!) Maybe I'd simply become too sophisticated for the average action film. This theory lasted right up until I fell asleep during a documentary about a topic I absolutely love {I'll spare you the details}. That's when I realized the problem wasn't the movie. The problem was that my body had quietly reclassified sitting in a comfortable chair as an approved sleeping activity.

Movie theaters don't help. Whoever designs those seats deserves either an engineering award or a criminal indictment. They're large, padded, reclined just enough to be dangerous, and placed in a room where the lights are intentionally turned off. Then they lower the temperature a few degrees and ask us to sit still for two and a half hours. That's not entertainment. That's an ambush. If a sleep scientist were trying to design the perfect napping environment, they'd eventually arrive at the exact same blueprint as a modern multiplex.

The streaming services are even worse. At least when you go to a theater, you've made an effort. You drove somewhere. You bought a ticket. You spent nine dollars on a bucket of popcorn the size of a washing machine.

At home, however, the barriers are gone. You're already wearing comfortable clothes. Your favorite chair is five feet away. There's a blanket nearby. You can pause whenever you want. Somewhere along the line, watching television stopped being a form of entertainment and became an advanced relaxation technique.

The funny thing is that falling asleep during a movie is one of those experiences that older adults treat like a failure while younger adults view it as a luxury. When you're twenty-five, you're exhausted because life is moving too fast. You'd love to sit quietly and drift off in the middle of the afternoon, but your job, your responsibilities, and your metabolism/pride won't allow it.

By the time you're sixty-five, you've earned the right to accidentally nap during yet another reboot of a reboot, yet somehow we've decided that's a sign of decline. Personally, I think it should be viewed as an achievement. There are people paying hundreds of dollars for wellness retreats that promise the same level of relaxation I can achieve fifteen minutes into a historical drama.

Of course, there are practical consequences. The biggest is that I've developed a unique relationship with plotlines. I often know how a movie begins and how it ends, but the middle section remains a complete mystery. This has resulted in some truly fascinating interpretations. More than once I've emerged from a film convinced it was about one thing, only to discover later it was about something entirely different.

In my defense, the version I imagined during my nap was usually better.

Scientists, naturally, have explanations for all of this. They talk about sleep cycles, circadian rhythms, mental fatigue, and cognitive load. Those are important concepts, and I'm sure they're all correct. However, I suspect they're overlooking a simpler explanation. By the time you've reached your sixties, you've spent decades working, paying bills, raising families, fixing broken appliances, and attending meetings that should have been emails. Your body isn't malfunctioning. It's simply taking advantage of every opportunity to get a little rest.

That's why I no longer fight it. If I fall asleep during a movie, I consider it market feedback. Either the film wasn't compelling enough to overcome gravity and comfort, or my body needed a nap more than I needed to know what happened in Act Three. In either case, one of those needs got met. That's a victory in my book.

So if you find yourself waking up in a theater wondering why everyone is suddenly cheering, don't panic. If you open your eyes halfway through a Netflix series and discover you've missed three episodes, don't be embarrassed. You're participating in a long and honorable tradition shared by fathers, grandfathers, uncles, retirees ... and apparently me. The movie will still be there tomorrow. The opportunity for a perfectly timed nap, however, may not.

And if anyone questions your commitment to cinema, simply tell them you weren't asleep. You were conducting a highly advanced relaxation exercise while evaluating the movie's ability to maintain consciousness.

Unfortunately for the filmmakers, they failed the test.

1 day ago | [YT] | 2

Hail, Unconventionals!

So I'm working on the next video, which is loosely titled "I Joined AARP (so you don't have to)". It's going to be a fun romp about everyone's favorite old-person's crutch of an organization.

While doing research (meaning while half-skimming the website) I discovered that they have their own versions of "Idiot's Guide To Growing Old".

So I decided that the upcoming video needed a booklet of my own in rebuttal. LOL! There are five of these in total, all of which I'm going to stuff in your inbox over the next week. :-)

Starting with ...
www.patreon.com/rickhiggins/posts/remembering-why-…

2 days ago | [YT] | 3

Hail, Unconventionals!

I know ... Ew!

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Hail, Unconventionals!

Hey you. YEA YOU! I'M TALKING TO YA!

^^ Would you consider that rude? Yea, me too. So let's discuss "rudeness" through the eyes of a Spaniard. LOL!

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Hail, Unconventionals!

PRO: I managed to send extortion money in time.
CON: It took me 17 hours to do it.

1 month ago | [YT] | 0

Hail, Unconventionals!

I can honestly say that when I lived in Miami, I never had the opportunity to go for a walk in the park and look up at a 4,500 year old castle high on a hill. LOL!

1 month ago | [YT] | 2