Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

Telling yourself it's not a big deal doesn't make the feeling smaller. I know because I've done this more times than I can count. And I've watched hundreds of clients do the same thing, convincing themselves out of their own feelings before they even have a chance to process them.

Here's what actually happens when we do this. The feeling doesn't disappear just because we decide it shouldn't be there. It just goes underground. And every time we dismiss our own feelings with "I'm probably overreacting" or "it's not worth making a big deal out of" or "I should just let this go," we're not just dismissing the feeling. We're dismissing ourselves.

Over time, that pattern of self-dismissal creates a real disconnect from your own inner experience. You stop trusting your reactions. You stop knowing what you actually feel versus what you think you're supposed to feel. You start looking to other people to tell you whether something was a big deal or not, because you've lost the ability to trust your own judgment about it.

This is one of the core wounds I see in codependency recovery, this deep disconnection from your own feelings that started as a coping strategy and became a way of life.

The antidote isn't dramatic. It starts with something very simple. The next time you catch yourself saying it's not a big deal, pause and ask yourself, but what if it is? What if this feeling is trying to tell me something important?

Because it probably is. Your feelings are not the problem. Dismissing them is.

If this resonates with you, my free resource library is a great place to start reconnecting with yourself.
www.counselingrecovery.com/resource-library-access

#codependency #emotionalhealth #selfawareness #healingjourney #mentalhealthmatters #therapytools #selftrust #emotionalregulation #relationshipcoach #counselingrecovery

9 hours ago | [YT] | 9

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

What is the one thing that makes a difficult conversation go better before you even open your mouth?

9 hours ago | [YT] | 3

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

You don't have to react the second you feel angry. I know it can feel that way in the moment, like the feeling is so urgent that you have to do something with it right now. But that urgency is actually part of what gets us into trouble.

Here's what I want you to really hear today. There is a window between feeling angry and reacting to it. A small but incredibly important gap where you still have a choice. The goal isn't to suppress what you're feeling or pretend it isn't there. The goal is simply to notice it before it takes the wheel completely.

Most people miss that window entirely because they were never taught to look for it. Nobody told them that anger doesn't have to be acted on immediately. That you can feel it fully and still choose how you respond to it. That pausing for even thirty seconds can be the difference between a conversation that connects and one that causes real damage.

This is one of the most powerful skills I teach, and it sounds almost too simple when I describe it. Just notice it. Just pause. But for someone who has spent years reacting on autopilot, that pause can feel enormous at first.

The good news is that it gets easier every single time you practice it. And the more you practice it, the more control you actually feel, not over the other person, but over yourself. And that's the only control that ever really matters.

If this is something you struggle with, say me too in the comments. My free anger management course is a great place to start building this skill.
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/free-email-anger-mana…

#angermanagement #emotionalregulation #healthyanger #copingskills #mentalhealthmatters #selfawareness #therapytools #stressmanagement #relationshipcoach

1 day ago | [YT] | 15

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

What does it actually mean when someone says they cannot identify what they are feeling?

1 day ago | [YT] | 5

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

What is the biggest obstacle to lasting codependency recovery?

2 days ago | [YT] | 4

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

Most explosions don't start in the moment. They start three days earlier with something you didn't say. A small hurt you pushed aside. A comment that stung but you told yourself wasn't worth bringing up. A need that went unmet that you quietly swallowed because it felt easier than saying something.

And then something small happens, something that on its own would be completely manageable, and suddenly everything comes flooding out at once. The other person is blindsided. You feel out of control. And neither of you fully understands how you got there.

I've watched this pattern play out in hundreds of client relationships over the years, and I've lived through it myself. The explosion was never really about the moment it happened. It was about everything that came before it that never got addressed.

Here's what I want you to understand today. Resentment is what builds in those gaps between what we feel and what we actually say. Every time we stuff a hurt, minimize a need, or talk ourselves out of saying something that mattered, that resentment quietly stacks up. Until one day it doesn't stay quiet anymore.

The good news is that resentment, even old deep resentment, can genuinely be healed. I've seen it happen over and over again.

If this is something you've been carrying, I'd love for you to join me on July 26 for my LIVE Healing Resentments Workshop. I'll walk you through my proven five-step process for healing resentment, complete with a guided e-journal to help you work through it step by step. Link is below and I'd love to see you there.
counselingrecovery.thrivecart.com/live-resentment-…

#resentment #angermanagement #emotionalhealing #healingjourney #relationshiphealing #mentalhealthmatters #therapytools #relationshipcoach

2 days ago | [YT] | 8

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

What is the number one reason healthy relationships fall apart slowly over time?

3 days ago | [YT] | 4

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

Healthy anger protects your relationships. Unhealthy anger damages them. And most of us were only ever taught one version of it.

Here's what I mean by that. Healthy anger is when you can say, that hurt me, or I need something different here, without blaming, without shaming, and without making the other person responsible for fixing how you feel. It's direct. It's honest. And when it's done well, it actually brings people closer together.

Unhealthy anger is the version most of us grew up around. The yelling. The silent treatment. The sarcasm that cuts right through you. The explosion that comes out of nowhere over something small. That kind of anger doesn't resolve anything. It just creates distance, defensiveness, and damage that can take weeks to repair.

The problem is that if unhealthy anger is all you ever witnessed growing up, it becomes your reference point. You either repeat the pattern or you swing so far the other way that you stop expressing anger at all. Neither one works long term.

Learning the difference between the two is genuinely life changing. I've watched it transform relationships that felt completely stuck for years. And it's something that can absolutely be learned, no matter how long the old pattern has been running.

If this resonates with you, say me too in the comments. And if you want to start learning what healthy anger actually looks like in practice, my Calming Anger Masterclass walks you through the whole process step by step.
www.counselingrecovery.com/online-courses/calming-…

#angermanagement #healthyanger #emotionalhealth #relationshiphealing #mentalhealthmatters #therapytools #emotionalregulation #copingskills

3 days ago | [YT] | 11

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

Anger isn't the enemy. I know that might be hard to believe, especially if you grew up around anger that felt scary or out of control. But here's what I've learned after more than twenty years of doing this work. Anger is almost never the real problem. It's a signal. It's your mind and body trying to get your attention about something that matters to you.

The real question isn't why am I so angry. The real question is, what is this anger trying to tell me? Is it telling you that a boundary has been crossed? That a need isn't being met? That something you've been tolerating for too long has finally reached its limit?

When we treat anger as the enemy, we spend all of our energy trying to suppress it, avoid it, or feel ashamed of it. And none of that actually works. It just pushes the feeling underground where it builds quietly until it comes out in ways we never intended.

But when we get curious about our anger instead of afraid of it, everything shifts. It stops being something that controls you and starts being something that informs you.

If you've ever felt like your anger was your biggest problem, say me too in the comments. I'd love to help you see it differently.

If you want simple tools to start working with your anger instead of against it, my free anger management course is a great place to begin.
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/free-email-anger-mana…

#angermanagement #healthyanger #emotionalhealth #selfawareness #angertriggers #mentalhealthmatters #therapytools #emotionalregulation

4 days ago | [YT] | 10

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

Why do some people explode in anger with no warning, even over tiny things?

4 days ago | [YT] | 1