Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

The hardest part of raising a child with ADHD is often what happens at home: the arguing, the meltdowns, the refusal to cooperate, the sibling fighting. It is exhausting, and most of the advice parents are given never addresses why it keeps happening.

The most common thread behind these struggles is almost always the same: there are no clear, specific daily expectations in place for the child to earn their "currency."

Currency is the privileges you provide your child that should be earned rather than treated as entitlements. For younger children, it might be a special toy that only comes out at certain times, or an extra game at night. For teens, it might be phone or internet access.

In the Confident Parents, Capable Kids Method, currency is earned several times throughout the day for meeting daily expectations. There is no "one and done." Your child gets multiple opportunities. And there is no reactive language, no threats of punishment, no "you lost screen time." Instead, you use language of accountability so your child learns to own their choices.

Daily expectations are split between helping around the house and behavior and cooperation.

These worksheets come from Creating Daily Expectations, the second part of our Parent Behavior Training sequence. There are three versions, based on your child's age.

Your child's behavior at home will not improve from therapy, from more validating feelings, or from more punishment. 𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲, 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀; 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀.

𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 will help you get there.

Start your Parent Behavior Training today at ADHDDude.com. See less

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4 days ago | [YT] | 15

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Living in a home where a blow-up could come at any moment is exhausting, and most of the advice out there tells you to make everything easier and treat your child as if they are fragile.


That advice sounds compassionate. It also keeps the escalations coming, because a behavior that is never addressed slowly becomes normalized to your child.


When these moments go unaddressed, the effects are not always limited to your home. If a child is emotionally reactive toward peers their peers are not going to be compassionate and validate your child's feelings when they are being insulted or yelled at. Their social relationships will suffer as a result of their blow-ups.


You have another option, and it is not making everything easier or bracing yourself all day. There is a way to respond in the moment that lowers the intensity over time, and you can start it at home.


When you change how you respond, the escalations get less severe and your home stops waiting for the next one.


That is a child learning to handle frustration in a way that will not harm their social relationships, and a parent who is no longer waiting for impact.


The ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training sequence shows you exactly how, based on your child's age:


Capable & Confident (ages 4 to 7)
Scaffolding Better Behavior (ages 8 to 18)
Creating Daily Expectations


Start your Parent Behavior Training today at adhddude.com

5 days ago (edited) | [YT] | 14

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Parents of kids with challenging behavior are asked to sort through a lot of confident claims, and it's hard to know which ones are backed by evidence and which ones are backed by marketing.

This article is worth your time. It was written by an adult who identifies with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), and it takes an honest look at what the research actually shows, what it doesn't, and what some programs charge families for certainty that hasn't been established.

I'm sharing it without commentary because the writer's perspective speaks for itself.

You deserve accurate information, because accurate information is what leads to real progress for your child.

www.wtfpda.com/p/pda-is-a-nervous-system-disabilit…

1 week ago | [YT] | 14

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Someone sent me a post about how to address ADHD kids lying, and it's a good example of well-meaning advice that misses the bigger picture.

Here's the thing most parenting content skips: how you respond to your child's behavior at home is practice for how the world will respond to it later.

When your child lies, and you soften the question, tiptoe around it, or reframe it as "protective impulsivity," you're teaching them that lying gets smoothed over. But their friends won't smooth it over. Peers don't ask, "Are you sure you're remembering this wrong?" They just quietly stop trusting them.

That's the part that matters. Not the lie itself, but what happens to your child's social relationships when no one ever helped them connect their choices to consequences.

Responding to behavior isn't about shame. It's about accountability, said calmly, so your child learns the social skills that protect their peer relationships.

Swipe through to see what the "shame-free" advice gets wrong, and what to say instead.

If you want evidence-informed strategies for the way you respond to behavior day to day, start your Parent Behavior Training at adhddude.com.

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1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 35

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

1 week ago | [YT] | 10

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

‼️Most parenting content won't tell you this 👇

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 7

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Every week, parents are presented with answers about ADHD and behavior. Some of it is supported by evidence, most of it is not.


We took a recent article in an ADHD publication and checked it, claim by claim, against the current research. What we found is in these slides.


𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲.

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2 weeks ago | [YT] | 20

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

You already said no. You explained it calmly. And you still know exactly what is coming next. The argument that follows is not about your decision being wrong or unclear.

For a child with ADHD who is stuck in their inflexibility, the argument keeps going because it works. It holds your attention, it elicits a reaction, and it pulls you into a back-and-forth that goes nowhere.

The ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training was built for this exact moment. It gives you a step-by-step way to respond so the arguing loses its fuel, instead of leaving you to reason, negotiate, and defend a decision you already made.

Keep doing what feels natural in the moment, and arguing keeps draining your time and energy.

Put the right structure in place, and the arguments get shorter and less frequent over time, and your home stops revolving around the next fight.

Watch this video below:

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 17

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

One of the most common patterns I see in families of children and teens with ADHD is what I call 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀.

Parents give all kinds of privileges to their child, yet expect little to nothing in return when it comes to appropriate behavior at home, cooperation, how family members should be treated, or helping around the house.

What often follows is a child who can regulate their emotions, be flexible, and behave appropriately outside the home, yet exhibits highly entitled, emotionally dysregulated, and immature behavior in the home.

Children with ADHD need to feel useful. They need opportunities to contribute and learn how capable they are.

In tomorrow's Special Topic Office Hours for ADHD Dude Membership Members, we'll focus on implementing the strategies from Creating Daily Expectations and how daily expectations for behavior, cooperation, and helping around the house can significantly improve behavior, emotional regulation, and consideration for family members.

Can't attend live? The replay will be available in the Past Office Hours section of the membership.

These slides are from tomorrow's presentation.
Learn more about Creating Daily Expectations: www.adhddude.com/creating-daily-expectations-previ…

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3 weeks ago | [YT] | 15

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

There's a specific kind of tired that comes from a child who has to win every disagreement, who can't let the smallest thing go, who needs every perceived unfairness made right.

There's a name for it: "justice sensitivity". When their brain gets rigid, it locks onto fair and unfair, right and wrong, and onto seeking justice, sometimes through revenge.

Here's the part most parents don't realize. Getting pulled into the argument, reasoning, and negotiation vortex with them is what keeps it going. The child digs their heels in harder, and nobody learns any flexibility in that moment.

When you're not getting pulled in, there's room for flexibility to develop. Your child can learn that even when they're right, even when something really is unfair, there are times to let it go. Kids who get there grow into adults who are principled, loyal, and passionate about what they believe in, and the people in their life get to see how capable they really are.

In the ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training programs for your child's age, you'll learn how to "disconnect the power source" so you don't get pulled into the argument, reasoning, and negotiation vortex when justice sensitivity arises, and how to help cultivate flexibility in your child so they recognize their own abilities and learn how to move on.

Learn more at ADHDDude.com.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 27