Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Dr. Ortiz is correct.

To the mothers and grandmothers reading this, I say this with genuine respect and admiration for you: being told your child has a "nervous system disorder" feels true because it names something real you watch happen at home every day. It often comes from people who make you feel seen. That is exactly why it spreads.

Here is what holds you back. Feeling understood is not the same as being told the truth. "Nervous system disorder" has no diagnostic criteria or evidence to back it, which means it can never tell you what to do next.

What helps your child is not another label. It is an effective approach to behavior, one that has been studied and used by families in more than 50 countries.

When you have that, you stop looking for the right label and start watching the changes at home: better emotional regulation, greater cooperation, and, most importantly, a child who starts to recognize how capable they are.

ADHD Dude provides evidence-informed Parent Behavior Training that has, over the past 5 years, been used by 20,000 families in over 50 countries. It's designed to do two things: make life at home easier and more peaceful, and help your child recognize how capable they are.

5 days ago | [YT] | 26

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Does your ADHD child argue A LOT? If so, watch this:

1 week ago | [YT] | 7

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Your ADHD child argues about everything. Every conversation turns into a debate, and you end up drained.

For many kids with ADHD, arguing itself is a power source. The more you explain, reason, and negotiate, the longer it goes.

Picture the other version of your home. Conversations that do not turn into standoffs. A child who cooperates because the expectations are clear. You're staying calm and steady instead of getting pulled into another argument that goes nowhere.

That is what changes when you stop feeding the arguing and put the right structure in place.

ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training walks through how to set daily expectations, what to do in the moment, and how to handle severe behaviors when they arise.

Start your Parent Training today at ADHDDude.com.

1 week ago | [YT] | 21

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Living with a child's severe tyrannical behaviors (property destruction, physical aggression, revenge-based school refusal) can feel isolating in a way most people never understand.



And everywhere on social media, there are opinions about what you should be doing, most of them from people with no experience or clinical training in evidence-based behavior modification approaches.



Opinions will not improve severe tyrannical behaviors. Parent Behavior Training will. The ADHD Dude approach is grounded in Nonviolent Resistance, an evidence-based approach I have training in and continue to train in. It is designed to reduce these behaviors and help children feel emotionally safe by teaching parents to lovingly step into their parental authority.



One of the most powerful steps you can take is enlisting supporters. A supporter is someone your child respects and would not want to know about their severe, tyrannical behavior at home. They do not have to live nearby. Your child does not even need to get on the phone with them. They just need to hear from them.



What you see here is a downloadable from the ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training programs that you can provide to your child's supporters so they understand what to do and what not to say.



When children know their severe, tyrannical behaviors will no longer be kept a family secret and that people who care about them will reach out when these behaviors occur, a shift happens because those behaviors are no longer normalized or kept secret.



A child who feels supported and is held accountable by others can change because parenting a child with severe behaviors cannot be done in isolation.



Start your Parent Behavior Training today:
Capable & Confident (ages 4-7)
Scaffolding Better Behavior (ages 8 and up)
Creating Daily Expectations (courses based on age)

adhddude.com

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1 week ago | [YT] | 15

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Things start to loosen up in most homes in the summer, and that's normal. Less structure, more screen time, fewer expectations around the house. None of that is a problem on its own. The problem is when it happens slowly and gradually all summer, and the child with ADHD who was doing fine at the end of the school year becomes harder and harder to live with.



I know the timing because it repeats every year. Between the last two weeks of August and the first two weeks of September, similar emails arrive.



These are from last year:
"𝗪𝗲 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗲. 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝘂𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝘁𝗮𝘀𝗸𝘀."

"𝗪𝗲 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗳𝘂𝗹. 𝗪𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗹𝘁𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲."

"𝗛𝗲'𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝟭𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜'𝗺 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱, 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿, 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽?"



You and your child both deserve to decompress from the school year. But skill-building doesn't pause just because the calendar says summer. The ADHD brain lives in the moment. It has a hard time linking yesterday's lesson to today and connecting today's choices to what happens next week.



So ease up a bit. Just don't check out of helping your child build skills. And if you haven't started yet, that's fine too. It is never too late to begin.



Stay on track with skill-building through the summer, and your child keeps progressing: more cooperation, fewer meltdowns, steadier emotions. Step away from it, and the progress slips back into the same difficult behavior, emotional dysregulation, and lack of cooperation you worked so hard to improve.



The membership includes our Parent Behavior Training sequence for your child's age twice-monthly Office Hours to have your questions answered live, and more.

Stay on track this summer, start your Parent Behavior Training today at adhddude.com

1 week ago | [YT] | 11

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Things start to loosen up in most homes in the summer, and that's normal.

Less structure, more screen time, fewer expectations around the house. None of that is a problem on its own. The problem is when it happens slowly and gradually all summer, and the child with ADHD who was doing fine at the end of the school year becomes harder and harder to live with.

I know the timing because it repeats every year. Between the last two weeks of August and the first two weeks of September, similar emails arrive.

These are from last year:

"We drifted into high giving and low expectations over the summer, and now we're paying the price. Our daughter screams at us when we ask her to help with the most basic tasks."

"We used to be members, and it was really helpful. We let things slide over the summer, and we're back to the same meltdowns and lack of cooperation as before."

"He's transitioning to 1st grade this year, and I'm concerned, given how emotionally dysregulated he's become at home over the summer, can you help?"

You and your child both deserve to decompress from the school year. But skill-building doesn't pause just because the calendar says summer. The ADHD brain lives in the moment. It has a hard time linking yesterday's lesson to today and connecting today's choices to what happens next week.

So ease up a bit. Just don't check out of helping your child build skills. And if you haven't started yet, that's fine too. It is never too late to begin.

Stay on track with skill-building through the summer, and your child keeps progressing: more cooperation, fewer meltdowns, steadier emotions. Step away from it, and the progress slips back into the same difficult behavior, emotional dysregulation, and lack of cooperation you worked so hard to improve.

The membership includes our Parent Behavior Training sequence for your child's age twice-monthly Office Hours to have your questions answered live, and more.

Stay on track this summer, start your Parent Behavior Training today at adhddude.com

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 23

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

A parent made this graphic to explain why their whole family has to wait, follow the right order, and let one child control how the family moves through their own house. It sounds compassionate. It is creating disability.

If you are exhausted from a child who screams when things do not go their way, who melts down when they are not first, who has the whole house arranging itself around their outbursts, and you have been told that accommodating them is "compassionate parenting" that supports "nervous system regulation," you have been given bad advice. There is no concrete evidence base behind that approach.

The advice feels good. It takes your guilt away. What it does not do is help your child build skills.

When parents change their own behavior so a child does not have to feel uncomfortable, the child's emotional dysregulation does not get smaller. It gets bigger. The more you adjust to your child's distress, the more your child needs you to keep adjusting.

This is what is happening in the graphic. The whole family waits at the bottom of the stairs. The child shouts "all clear." Then everyone can move. Even during a fire, the child still goes first.

This child is not learning to handle a moment that does not go their way. They are learning that losing control is what gets the family to move. They are learning that their outbursts control a household.

When parents stop rearranging the family around the child's outbursts, the child improves. The thing that has to change first is the parent, not the child.

Children build the ability to handle hard things by doing hard things with support, not by having the world rearranged around them. A child whose family stops every time they melt down grows up still needing everyone to stop for them. A child whose parents change first grows up able to wait, follow, and handle hard moments on their own.

You do not have to choose between being compassionate and raising a capable child. Do not trade tomorrow's independence for today's peace.

References:
Lebowitz, E. R., et al. (2013). Family accommodation in pediatric anxiety disorders. Depression and Anxiety, 30(1), 47-54.
Lebowitz, E. R., et al. (2020). Parent-based treatment for childhood anxiety. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 59(3), 362-372.
Omer, H. (2011). The new authority: Family, school, and community. Cambridge University Press.
Whiteside, S. P. H., et al. (2020). A meta-analysis to guide the enhancement of CBT for childhood anxiety. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 23(1), 102-121.

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2 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 24

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

You've tried a lot of approaches for your child's ADHD. The advice sounded compassionate. The strategies are built around connection. The frameworks promise that the right mindset would shift everything at home.

Your child is still struggling with the same behaviors, you're still tired, and the calmer home you've been picturing still feels far away.

The research is clear that ADHD treatment works best as a combination: medication when possible, and Parent Behavior Training. The second piece is the part you have the most control over.

A lot of what's online under the Parent Behavior Training label feels validating to read, but asks very little of the adults, and without that, very little changes for your child. Another year passes, and you're managing the same behaviors with the same tools.

ADHD Dude's Parent Behavior Training is grounded in formal training in evidence-based behavior modification, informed by approaches such as Nonviolent Resistance and the Nurtured Heart Approach, as well as Ryan's experience raising a son with ADHD who was severely oppositional when he was younger, as well as his experience working as a school social worker in special education schools for students with behavior challenges.

The strategies have been used by more than 20,000 families in more than 50 countries over the past 5 years.

When you change how you respond, your child begins to recognize how capable they truly are, and your home starts to feel like the one you've been picturing.

See the course sequence for your child's age in the slides.

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2 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 33

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

Consistent ADHD support shouldn't depend on your zip code or your shift schedule. But for military and first responder families, it often does.

The ADHD Dude Membership Site is built to work around your life. Real strategies you can access wherever you're stationed, whenever the day allows.

Active military and first responders (Fire, EMTs, Law Enforcement, and Armed Forces) get 𝟮𝟬% 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟯 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵𝘀. Every day of the year, not just Memorial Day.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 8

Confident Parents, Capable Kids by ADHD Dude

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.


And it won't need to be when you shift from high giving/low expectations to high empathy/high expectations.


What plays out in most ADHD families is high giving/low expectations. Over time, what your child once earned becomes something they simply expect. Very little is expected in return. And when you finally try to introduce expectations, you're met with outbursts, refusal, or emotional blackmail.


So you back off. The cycle continues.


This is not about who your child is. It is about what has never been clearly set up. And that is something you can change.


Creating Daily Expectations shows you how to build expectations for behavior, cooperation, and household help that actually hold, without threats, punishments, or constant power struggles.


You will learn how to:
-Have daily expectations in place for behavior, cooperation, how family members are treated, and helping around the house
-Teach your child that privileges are earned by meeting expectations, so they feel useful instead of entitled
-Motivate your child by providing their "currency" (privileges that they earn) throughout the day
-Teach your child emotional regulation and self-control by giving opportunities for self-correction. There is no "one and done" in our Parent Behavior Training programs
-Shift from threats of punishment to teaching responsibility and accountability
When expectations are clear and predictable, you stop negotiating all day. Your child begins to recognize how capable they actually are.


𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝘆𝗰𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝘀. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗶𝘁.


All three versions of Creating Daily Expectations are included with your ADHD Dude Membership.


The recommended start-here sequence by age is shown here. Better behavior and cooperation start today at adhddude.com

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2 weeks ago | [YT] | 29