Stacey R

Able heart - If you can't find hope:
"If you can't find hope, borrow mine tonight
I've been lost too just trying to get it right
The sun still rises even when you're tired of the fight
If you can't see the road, walk by borrowed light
We're all just healing in real time
If you can't find hope, borrow mine."

Shining a light for those in need,
Lending my hand don't have to stay on your knees.
We can get through this with our communities light,
Making sure others don't feel alone we'll be your guiding light 🕯️💜🕊️




https://youtu.be/mDhOVSMUDaE?si=gT568...

3 months ago | [YT] | 3

Stacey R

The Architecture of Control

The files are just a screen to hide the deeper play,
While shadows move in silence to take our rights away.
They trigger every heart to keep the vision blurred,
Until the laws are passed and truth is never heard.
An upside-down horizon where freedom starts to fade,
A digital identity within a cage they’ve made.
They focus on the names to keep us in the dark,
While placing on our hands a cold and sterile mark.

But voices now are rising to shatter every mask,
To question every motive and take the world to task.
We’re breaking through the silence and pointing to the sky,
Refusing to be managed by a curated lie.
The water’s getting deeper and the chains are pulling tight,
But even in the darkness we can find the golden light.
So look beyond the lists and the scandals on the screen,
And see the giant tower that stands behind the scene.

"Raw Thoughts VII,"  @chriswebby  continues his series of social and political commentary. He dives into the distraction of celebrity scandals (like the Diddy or Epstein files) as a "Great Diversion" meant to keep the public from noticing legislative changes, such as the push for digital IDs and global surveillance. The song serves as a call to look past the "noise" and focus on the "architecture" of control being built around us.


https://youtu.be/eW9xH3feKEo?si=T2l65...

3 months ago | [YT] | 7

Stacey R

The Great Diversion...

Why the Epstein Files Returned so suddenly in two thousand Twenty six

The Empathy Trap:
Have you ever wondered why the Epstein files which sat dormant and redacted for years have suddenly flooded the internet with three and a half million pages right now?

The planners of this "release" know us as a collective humanity. They know we have deep empathy. They know we are rightfully worried about the survivors and the victims who have never seen justice. They are banking on our compassion to keep us hyper-focused on the files, because as long as we are emotionally consumed by the trauma of the past, we aren't paying attention to the cages being built for the future.

The very empathy that makes us human is being used as the ultimate smoke screen.

The "Look Over There" Strategy:

While the world is playing digital detective and scanning lists for names, governments worldwide are quietly laying the tracks for a massive structural shift. If you are only looking at the files, you are missing the move.
The Smoke Screen vs. The Reality.

1: THE DISTRACTION: Three and a half Million Pages of "Truth" and File Dumps.
THE IMPLEMENTATION:
Digital ID Integration. New "Safety Acts" are linking your online presence, banking, and health records to a single, mandatory digital footprint.....

2. THE DISTRACTION: High-Profile Arrests and Celebrity Scandals Diddy, Epstein files.
THE IMPLEMENTATION:
Programmable Currency CBDCs. The transition from physical cash to digital-only banking that can be "turned off" or restricted based on your behavior.

3.THE DISTRACTION: Media Outrage and Viral Threads.
THE IMPLEMENTATION:
Fifteen Minute Urban Zones. The rollout of movement tracking and "low-emission" boundaries under the guise of convenience and sustainability.

The "Problem-Reaction-Solution" Loop:
This is how they gain consent for a "One World" infrastructure:
The Problem.
Expose a horrific, systemic "evil" The Epstein/Diddy archives.

The Reaction:
Our empathy is triggered. We demand "protection," "verification," and "transparency" so this never happens again.

Their Solution:
The government offers Digital IDs and Total Surveillance as the "only way" to keep people safe.
The Result: We accept the tools of our own surveillance because we believe they are designed to catch the monsters.

Psychological Closing:
Life Inside the Integrated System
If these systems are fully implemented, our daily lives shift from "Living" to "Forced Managed Participation." Imagine a Tuesday in the near future: You wake up and your Digital ID automatically logs you into the local network. Your Social Media is no longer anonymous; it is tied directly to your legal identity, your bank account, and your home.

If you speak out against a government policy, the system doesn't just "shadowban" you it flags your entire existence. Because your Digital ID is the "key" to everything, the consequences are total. You go to buy groceries, but your CBDC Digital Currency account is declined. You try to check into a medical appointment, but your access has been suspended due to "non-compliance."

In this world, dissent doesn't just get you an argument; it gets you digitally exiled. You lose access to housing, food, and medical care in an instant. The system creates a state of Permanent Compliance through the threat of total survival deprivation. We stop acting out of our own values and start acting out of a fear of the "kill switch." The world becomes a place where you are safe from "monsters" only because you have traded away the very freedom and resources that allow you to survive.

Don't let the files be the blindfold. Stop looking only at the names on the list and start looking at the laws on the books.

Closing Thoughts:
When they trigger your heart,
they are trying to hide what they are doing to your hands.
It will be like having invisible chains one wrong move and you drown.

This world will be unrecognizable, completely flipped upside down.
Don't be fooled by their deceitful demands,
If we don't wake up, we'll no longer be free across the lands.

Break the Silence...

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3 months ago | [YT] | 8

Stacey R

The Survival Script: Why "I'll Be Okay" is a Warning Sign of Someone is in active domestic violence relationship or a Survivor when you try to offer them food:

For many who haven't lived through abuse, a response like when asked if they're hungry, or can I get you anything to eat? And they reply with "I’m not hungry" or "I’ll be okay" sounds like a simple choice. But for a survivor or someone actively in a domestic violence reltionship dynamic, this is often a Survival Tactic. We have been conditioned to believe that our basic human needs like to eat to stay alive are a burden to others or a "trigger" for violence. We choose to stay empty to keep the peace.

I lived this reality with my step-daughter's father. I was only given $80 a week for food for the entire family. This budget was thin by his choice, as he would spend $1,200 a month on beer a 24-pack every single day. To further the Financial Entrapment, I had begun working for him as a siding installer. Because he was a subcontractor, all the money for the work I did came in his name and went directly into his bank account. I was doing the labor, but he held all the power.
Because the food budget was so restricted, I usually had to eat whatever was left over off the kids' plates. On the rare occasions we had a bit more, he would wait until I was cooking and eat my portion straight out of the pan. When it came time to serve, he’d demand, "Where’s my plate?" If I mentioned he’d already eaten my portion, he would become violently aggressive smashing walls or clearing everything off the counters onto the floor.

I learned quickly: feed the kids, feed him, and stay silent. But even then, he would set a Psychological Trap, asking, "So you're not eating?" I knew that telling the truth out would lead to another enraged outburst. He would then blame me, saying if I hadn’t "pissed him off," he wouldn't have had to do what he did.

The Clinical Reality: Labor Exploitation & The Double Bind:
This is a calculated combination of Nutritional Gatekeeping, Financial Abuse, and Labor Exploitation. By controlling the income from your own work and restricting your access to food, the abuser creates a state of total physical and mental exhaustion.
This creates a Double Bind (a no-win situation):
If you eat: You are punished for "taking" from the resources he hoards.
If you don't eat: You are interrogated and blamed for "pissing him off" with your silence or your "attitude."
The result is Reactive Silence. We say "I'll be okay" because the pain of hunger is safer than the threat of a smashed wall.
When a survivor turns down food, they are navigating a minefield they were forced to live in for many years and for some decades.


Never to be Seen

Alone in the shower hiding in fear,
Hoping the water can wash away her tears.
Before he'd enter to see what's taking so long,
Hearing the door open another day dreaded of love gone wrong.
Why is he always angry? She does as he says,
Regardless of the room her souls filled with dread.

She needed the showers mist to cast away her tears,
Or his demonic claws would give her something to fear.
She knew not to question his gentler evil flames,
Going against him she'd feel scorched through his twisted games.
Even if she'd be silenced he cast hatred on that too,
"Why you act so stupid, do I have to do everything for you?"

Regardless of the room or the mask he'd wear,
Left her spiraling through the darkness of his despair.
She disconnects from reality just a hollow tomb,
Stumbling around lost in the ruins of his rooms.
Is there a soul left to save her? , where she can finally be free,
Or is she vanished forever in his torture chamber forever to never be seen.

🕊️💜🕯️ Break the Silence 🕯️💜🕊️

4 months ago | [YT] | 14

Stacey R

The "Addiction" of a Toxic Rush: Why We Can’t Let Go: Even when the relationship stops not long after it starts.

Have you ever started a connection that ended almost as fast as it began, yet you still feel a deep, painful pull toward that person?
Maybe YOU ended it because you saw the cracks the enraged temperament, the red flags, the "crap" you vowed never to deal with again. Or maybe THEY walked away the second they realized your boundaries were made of steel and you weren't going to break for them.
Now, you’re left watching them jump to someone else immediately, wondering: "How could they move on so fast? I treated them so well. I did everything right. Why am I still so attached?" One thing people who have things end in the early stages you don't see you completely bypassed living through a domestic violence relationship even though your mind feels temporarily entrapped with some minor rewired to get back to who you were before then.

The Truth About the Cycle:

1. It’s Not Love, It’s a "Chemical High"
That "love intoxication" at the start was Love Bombing. It wires the brain to crave the person like a drug. When the connection ends, the brain goes into physical withdrawal. You aren’t missing a soulmate; you’re missing the dopamine rush that was used to manipulate you.

2. Boundaries are a "Threat" to a Predator
If they walked away quickly, it’s because they realized they couldn't gain control. To an abusive personality, a partner with high boundaries is a "waste of time." They don't want a healthy relationship; they want a target. When you stood your ground, you became "un-usable," so they fled to find someone "easier."

3. "Monkey Branching" is a Distraction
Toxic individuals jump to the next person immediately because they cannot face their own void. It isn't because the new person is "better" or because you weren't "enough." It’s because they need a new source of validation to hide from their own toxicity.

4. The Trauma Bond
Even a short relationship can create a Trauma Bond. Your nervous system starts "anticipating the hit" and stays on high alert. That "attachment" you feel is actually your body trying to survive the internal alarm system that’s been triggered.
THE REALITY: If they left because you wouldn't lower your boundaries, YOU WON. You didn't lose a "good partner"; you avoided a long-term battlefield. Don't let your "withdrawal brain" talk you into doubting your worth. You were too strong to be manipulated, and that is your greatest victory 💯

The Psychological Breakdown: Why Your Brain "Addicts"
To a Predator even in a short-term relationship, your brain can be re-wired to function exactly like that of a drug addict.

Here is how the "Toxic Fix" works: The Initial High (The First Dose):
When a toxic person love-bombs you, your brain is flooded with Dopamine and Oxytocin. It’s an artificial "high" that is more intense than a healthy relationship. Your brain marks this person as your "source" for feeling good.

The Withdrawal (The "Crash"):
The moment they pull away, act cold, or leave, your "source" is gone. Your brain goes into a physical state of withdrawal. You feel anxious, shaky, and obsessed with getting them back not because you love them, but because your brain is screaming for its next chemical fix.

The Craving:
Just like an addict needs the next dose to feel "normal," your mind starts playing a highlight reel of the "good times." It ignores the red flags and the rage because it is desperate for one more moment of that initial "love intoxication" to stop the pain of the withdrawal.

The "Anticipation" Loop:
Because the relationship was unpredictable, your nervous system stayed in a loop of "anticipating the next dose." When they leave, that loop doesn't just stop; it spins out of control, making you feel like you need them to survive, even if you know they are dangerous.

The Bottom Line:
You aren't "weak" and you aren't "still in love." You are recovering from a chemical manipulation. Your brain is trying to find its "fix" in the very person who poisoned the well.
Healing starts when you realize you don't need another dose—you need a detox. 💯

Stop wondering why you weren't enough for a predator. Start realizing you were too much for them to handle.

Why do I feel haunted by their ghost

You think you feel a deep connection,
You ponder in silemce asking yourself that internal question.
"We just began so why do I miss them so much?",
It's like an overwhelming drug addiction I just want my internal dialogue to hush.
The spiraling chaos fight resides within me,
I want them back but then I don't can this leave me alone so I can just be.

Maybe one day I'll get the answers to "Why do I feel haunted by their ghost,"
A static vibe losing sense of reality I don't know what I want most.
Will anything else my tormented mind,
Where I can cast their shadow where it's nowhere to find.
I just want this daily torment to finally cease,
Stumbling through memories I just want back my peace.

🕊️💜🕯️ Break the Silence 🕯️💜🕊️

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4 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 12

Stacey R

We've reached 2000 souls our hearts align in unity,
Our growing tribe is a flourishing in an ever growing community.
You've all shown me my voice matters to be heard,
We are the voice for the voiceless we will share all their words.
Some are still stuck in their life's fight,
All the survivors shining our fluorescent beacons of light.

If we all battle cry at the same time,
We'll start to be heard no more just falling in-line.
Be loud, be proud stand up and be bold,
No more keeping our voices silenced let our stories be told.
We've been a solid oak tree for far too long with fragmented roots,
We're done being kicked down with our abusers CPTSD shadowed boots.

My journey through my poems on threads over the last 2 months and I wanted to show all of you beautiful souls. I used my voice to speak about what I've lived through but you've shown me I'm speaking up for more then just myself. Which gives me the strength to push through on my hard days for all of us🌹

A whisper from beyond the Grave:

As I stand as a ghost upon my own grave,
Drowned by others' chaos, the choices they had made.
One spat their words while others threw their fists,
Now I lay in silence through the dark mist.
I never thought life would feel like a game of truth or dare,
Learnt early in life that no one really cared.
Don't mourn me now that I am gone,
You buried me internally I didn't think life was done.
In my next lifetime I don't want to be trapped between walls,
I want wings like a bird so I'll never have to fall.

Echoes from the Summit:

A woman approached my mountain side with the look of defeat,
Was it the look of my steep peaks or something more daunting underneath.
She took her time steady and slow,
Could she reach the top? Only she will know.
I see a fire burning in her soul,
Is this only her or is she conquering someone else's control.
One step after another she pauses for ease,
She's been through much worse she won't let this bring her to her knees.
Now she's almost at the top she peaks behind at the scenic view,
I feel this is just like the web of her past she fought to make it through.
Was she thinking of the view as the maze of her life,
Or because of all the beauty that can save her from life's strife.
Now she's standing on my peak making her final stand,
She shouted with her soul ablaze "you'll never hold me under I no longer follow your commands.

My soul I Entrust:

I grew up small with shattered wings before I could speak,
Made the future look daunting & bleak.
The entity through hell had torched my soul,
Always living under someone's thumb of control.
When I thought that fate would last through rose-coloured glasses,
Failing to learn the lessons through demonic glances.

Used the very past I entrusted with my soul,
Only to use it against me was his long-term goal.
Fooled by the charismatic charm his first seed was laid to rest,
He knew violent rage would put her to the test.
Through bended truth the twisted web he'd weave,
Her soul is tarnished with is toxicity he deceived.

Her soul is entrapped buried alive but not wanting to stay,
Every room & word are just different shades of grey.
She longs to be a bird to fly away,
She's battered & broken she needs someone to guide the way.
To clearer skies where at least there would be peace,
Is she destined to stay amongst the ashes buried underneath.

Till you have no voice Left:

A poem I'll write hoping it would burn,
Or should it be left for others for them to learn.
Domestic violence is not just when they hit,
It's abuse through torture & manipulation, and gaslighting tactics.
They choose their victims wisely pretending they can save the day,
Learn all about you so they can brainwash and control you in endless ways.

They choose ones that are starving from neglect and emotional strain,
Come here my love I can cure all your pains.
"I will show you I'm not like the rest,"
"You have a safe place within me lay your head upon my chest."
Soaring love bombing birds turn to daggers in the night,
Falling for this trap leaves you fighting for your life.

Suffocating your words till you have no voice left,
Stealing pieces slowly till your a flaming mess.
They'll play the victim "it's not me it's them you see,"
Making the public believe them so you won't be free.
Strangling every hope you have left to survive,
Now I can tell my tale as I made it out alive.

A whisper in the Breeze:

She stumbled through life's garden hoping for freedom,
Only to see others were the ruler of her kingdom.
As she stripped away every fake disguise,
Broadcasted the manipulation and their blatant lies.
Planting her garden in each and every room,
Banishing the demons entrapped in their doom.

She may have stumbled but like a warrior she arose,
Banishing the demons from up above and down below.
The petals started to bloom throughout every room,
Finally living in her kingdom no longer entrapped in their doom.
The whispers in the breeze said "it's now your time to thrive,"
Now's your chance to finally shout "it's great to be alive."

Chronic suffering of Domestic violence:

Today I feel like doing nothing,
Onlookers say I must be bluffing.
"There's no way you suffer from that intensity of chronic pain,"
"You can't be that sick you don't look insane."
This is what happens when you live through the fire,
Chronic suffering of Domestic violence is not something to desire.

To be ridiculed and tormented by others cruel sting,
Mentally and physically broken their demonic toll rings.
You're lucky you've never had to conquer their wrath,
Many take their lives like fragments of glass.
Trauma turns to chronic pain once our souls are free,
Forever living with chronic pain is not where we wanted to be.

Beautiful soul buried In your Breath:

You've always been enough,
Even if life's been tough.
Sometimes you may feel like you're all alone,
Don't let that thought turn you to stone.
Grow wings but not to leave this earth,
You have so much to live for don't let others define your worth.

You have a beautiful force buried in your breath,
You have so much to live for don't let this be your internal death.
I once was a little one who thought her time had come,
I saw it through an found purpose in what I could become.
Take a deep breath and ignite the Pheonix within,
There's so much to explore let the new chapter begin.

She sells sea shells by the sea Shore:

She sells sea shells by the sea shore,
To escape all the torment in her lifetime before.
She loved the waves and the smell is the beach,
I a faraway land out of her abuser's reach.
She still gets triggered it's complex PTSD,
Back in time where her soul wanted to be free.

Through Non-epileptic seizuress domestic violences strife,
She radiates at the seams she no longer lives that life.
She spiraled through a daunting mystery,
Now shouting her words to heal others through her history.
Forever free from their entrapment doors,
That's why She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Never to be Seen:

Alone in the shower hiding in fear,
Hoping the water can wash away her tears.
Before he'd enter to see what's taking so long,
Hearing the door open another day dreaded of love gone wrong.
Why is he always angry? She does as he says,
Regardless of the room her souls filled with dread.

She needed the showers mist to cast away her tears,
Or his demonic claws would give her something to fear.
She knew not to question his gentler evil flames,
Going against him she'd feel scorched through his twisted games.
Even if she'd be silenced he cast hatred on that too,
"Why you act so stupid, do I have to do everything for you?"

Regardless of the room or the mask he'd wear,
Left her spiraling through the darkness of his despair.
She disconnects from reality just a hollow tomb,
Stumbling around lost in the ruins of his rooms.
Is there a soul left to save her? , where she can finally be free,
Or is she vanished in his torture chamber forever to never be seen.

Gathering her fragmented Pieces:

Gathering her fragmented pieces others wanted to throw away,
Abused and broken sometimes she just wanted to decay.
Feeling she's only needed for everyone else's endeavors,
No one cares as long as she makes sure they're pleasures.
Whether it's their emotions or anything else she can sacrifice,
Decades of torture she's done rolling life's dice.

Spiraling in circles yearning for more than this rotten life,
Stumbling if suicide is an option and possibly with a knife.
What does life have to offer me? No one cares to save me,
Maybe it's time to be off this earth where I can be set free.
Different room with shadowed halls that all looked the same,
She's done with life, done with others and so done with life's twisted games.

Tossing and turning as the moon watched her sleep fading off from the sky,
Giving her hope with its florescent light to get her by.
Waking in amazement upon awakening "what's vibrating under my skin?"
It was a new found courage that was hidden within.
She secured all the details to a place where she could just be,
Alone in her solitude of peace where she's finally set free.

🕊️💜🕯️ Break the bank 🕯️💜🕊️

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4 months ago | [YT] | 33

Stacey R

The Body Keeps the Score: A 46-Year Clinical Map

⚠️ Trigger warning Heavy topics of abuse/SA/rape⚠️

Topic:
C-PTSD and the Physiology of Survival

The Reality...

At 46, my body is a living archive. My environment is finally peaceful, but my nervous system is still stuck at Max Voltage. This isn't just a memory; it’s a reconfigured biology. This map isn't just about what I suffered it's about the permanent physical record my body holds today..

1. Developmental Trauma and Dual-Home Parentification:

When a child is forced to act as the emotional caretaker for parents in different environments, sacrificing their own safety to manage the adults' instability.

I lived in two separate homes where I had to "reed the room" at all times. My adoptive dad used physical violence with excessive spankings and smacks upside the head. My adoptive mom used psychological warfare. I was forced to regulate both while they tore down my spirit.

2. Verbal Abuse and The "Reject" Identity:
Chronic verbal degradation that "rewires" a child's self-concept, leading to a "Core Shame" that manifests as physical illness and compliance with future abusers.

My adoptive mom constantly programmed me to believe I was a "Good for nothing," "Burden," "Stupid," and a "Reject." She told me I was an "attention-seeking brat" that no one wanted. These words weren't just insults; they were a blueprint that kept me "frozen" for the years of violence that followed.

3. Dissociation and Somatic Shutdown - Psychogenic Non-epileptic seizures:
A brain’s "emergency brake." When you cannot physically escape, the mind disconnects from the present moment to survive overwhelming stress.

I’d be "there but not there" unresponsive and off in another universe daydreaming just to escape the reality of where I was. Because doctors missed these signs of trauma and misdiagnosed me with ADHD, the Ritalin they gave me "electrified" my already fried nerves. My body’s only way to survive that electrical overload was Non-Epileptic Seizures a physical "fuse blowing" that my parents then used to abuse me further.

4. Muscular Armoring and the "Metal Suit":
The Shifting Landscape
Muscular Armoring is the body's physical "bracing" in anticipation of a hit. Somatic Variability is when the brain "rotates" which area flares so the system doesn't totally collapse from the volume of pain.

I wake up every morning in a "Human Metal Suit." Because my nervous system is never in a deep sleep, every part of me is still bracing for impact while I’m unconscious. This results in a painful living rigor mortis my muscles are locked stiff as a board because they were doing "night watch" for 33 years of ghosts.
The "High-Intensity" Days. "The Triage." My brain focuses on the "loudest" pain. My Shoulder Blades feel "kicked in" the echo of my adoptive dad’s violence. My Ribs, front and back, are locked tight and my Feet and Shins feel "shattered" the Flight response with no place to land.

The "Structural" Flares: Some days, my Hips feel like they are being pried outwards. This is where I store the deep survival terror from the years of physical and sexual entrapment.
The "Moderate" Days: Widespread Siege. When pain is "tolerable," I feel the Widespread Flare a heavy ache from my shoulders to my feet. This is the physical weight of living 33 years of never being safe.

5. Central Sensitization and Pain Masking:
When the nervous system is so "fried" that it loses the ability to turn the pain dial down. The brain acts like a triage nurse, only reporting the "catastrophic" signals.

I am never not in pain. My "Moderate" is everyone else's "Extreme." My brain is simply switching which "Pressure Point" it’s forced to focus on to keep me upright and taking care of my daughters.

6. The 7 Year War - The "Apex" Abuser
Totalitarian Coercive Control:
This occurs when an abuser uses a totalizing combination of physical, sexual, psychological, and financial violence to destroy a survivor's autonomy.

This was the worst of all my abusers rolled into one person. It was a 7-year war defined by financial entrapment that forced me into self-starvation just to ensure my kids and step daughter stayed fed.

I was extremely sleep deprived he used constant fear, and intimidation. Physical violence was his baseline, but it was coupled with regular forced intimacy met with more physical violence if I didn't comply. When I refused to participate in threesomes, I was drugged and raped as punishment.

This era was the final "overload" for my nervous system, teaching my body that even the act of breathing or sleeping was a liability.

Conclusion:
I’m now a 46 year old, single mom. Where over the last year I have been writing songs, poetry and my Autobiography book Tales of Trilogies where everything Intertwines to spread awareness.
I was never a "difficult child," "burden,"  "good for nothing."
I was a regular child being systematically dismantled by the people who were supposed to love me.
My chronic pain is the evidence. My music is my therapy as well as many other artist's as music has been my lifeline.
I survived quietly for 33 years. Now, at 46, my pain and my voice will never be silenced again.
it's time for all of us to be heard.

Message to victims:
I know how hard it is to walk away but please recognize the earlier signs of domestic violence and don't stay around thinking the torture chamber will bypass you.
When an abuser knows that's what they're fixated on doing there is no changing them. They won't change for love, begging, kids, making them wealthy following all their demands as they'll only add more.
You'll be playing a no win chess game. where it's destined for their checkmate. Whether that's leading you where I am today in shear agonizing pain or the  possible loss of your or your children's lives. Remember how you see them when their mask falls is how they actually are and not how your mind wants to remember them. Thinking they can change back into. The one you met during the love bombing stage. This "stage" is literally like the movies it's to hook you and then cut all your escape routes out. till all you have left is them.
You are enough,
You are a diamond so shine bright and remove yourself from their demonic claws. that only think about their own feast and how much power they have, with full control over you being their puppet.

Message to survivors:
We've definitely traveled a horrendous hurricane of a rollercoaster through hell.
I know sometimes days seem like the future is daunting and every corner there is still more twists and turns through chronic pains door.
The one thing that got me through no matter how horrific the pain was is  knowing no one can hurt me in the same manner ever again. Also knowing that we aren't alone anymore as we have each other even if we are in different spots around the world. Now's our time to shine.
Follow your dreams your passions and anything that brings even the slightest joy.
Be mindful of your body and don't throttle through your red light engine sign if it's flashing, pause, fuel up, but never give up on yourself.


Message to doctors and medical professionals:
It's your duty to understand the complexity of your patient and you shouldn't be prescribing anything without having someone's full history. You can't just go by what's shown on medical charts but asking for their honest life history. As so many prescriptions like Ritalin, cymbalta and lyrica and so many more from my experience does more damage and can become fatal.
Not only if the patients nervous system is at max capacity what you're prescribing can send their system into complete failure and it will start shutting down. Or if a patient is coming in at a level of pain they're already telling you is past the poin where they can't take anymore. Then taking these meds can make them feel they have a living torture chamber inside them where everything feels like it's going to rupture through their skin and every muscle is being crushed. Where they'll checkmate themselves taking their own life as all they want is the excruciating pain to stop.

Please pay attention....
If you can honestly say you don't know why a patient's body is doing what it is doing theirs 2 options.

1. If you ask them if they're experiencing domestic violence? You have cues if they're too afraid to say it:
- shoulder checks or looking at the door
- not keeping eye contact
- pausing  too long before answering or stumbling over words
- nervous hand motions: playing with fingers
grabbing at their pants or shirt
- if there is a sudden sound do they look like they're in fear?

If you spot any one of these there's a high chance they're in an active domestic violent relationship. Not only is it your duty to report this it  is also your chance to speak up and say what you've noticed. That  you believe they're living in fear and can offer them resources to get out. Without them having to go back home to their abuser's.

2. if you  ask  if they have been through domestic violence and your patient answers yes:
You need to understand how deep their trauma goes. because someone with CPTSD it could be a death sentence when just prescribing meds based on a hunch of "maybe this med will work." So if you believe someone is in danger or has gone through abuse do not prescribed them anything.
If you choose to you'll be no different then our abusers by dismissing and disregarding our health and safety.
Making us feel like no one cares.
Thus makes us feel we're just another dollar in your bank account.
For all of us "This Is Our Life...."

🕊️💜🕯️Break the Silence 🕯️💜🕊️

4 months ago | [YT] | 15

Stacey R

When Your Body Trips the Circuit Breaker: Beyond the ADHD Label & The Truth: The body keeps the score when the voice is forced into silence.

1. The "ADHD" Mimic & Tactical Silence
I was diagnosed with ADHD, but it was actually Hypervigilance. When you are physically and mentally shredded daily, your brain can't "focus" on a textbook it is tuned to the frequency of a footstep or the shift in a predator's tone.

• The "Socially Awkward" Label: I was told I lacked social skills because I avoided eye contact. In reality, avoiding eye contact was a survival strategy. I knew if an abuser "saw a look" they deemed judgmental or defiant, I would be hurt.

• Fidgeting as a Safety Valve: My inability to sit still and my constant fidgeting with my hair or fingers weren't "hyperactivity"; they were my body trying to bleed off the massive adrenaline spike of being "ready to run" 24/7.

2. The "Pause" (FND)
When "Fight" or "Flight" aren't options because you’re a child trapped in those "four walls," your nervous system chooses a third option: Freeze. The technical term is Functional Neurological Disorder (FND).

Think of it like a child’s internal house: when the emotional voltage of the abuse, the threats, and the bullying became too high to bear, my brain tripped the switch to save itself. My seizures weren't "faked" they were my body’s ultimate "Checkmate" to a world that had failed me.

3. The Chemical Sabotage: The Ritalin Trap
Because the "System" misdiagnosed my Complex PTSD as ADHD, they prescribed Ritalin. But my brain didn't have a dopamine deficiency it was in a

Survival Loop.
• The Toxic Reaction: Adding a stimulant to a nervous system already redlining from trauma is like throwing gasoline on a forest fire.

• The Spiked Seizures: Because the Ritalin was a "toxin" to a brain already at 100% capacity, it caused my seizures to become more frequent and severe. My body wasn't rejecting the medicine; it was trying to survive a chemical overload on top of the domestic violence.

The Advocacy: To the Survivors
If you are a survivor struggling with "functioning," stop blaming yourself.
• You aren't "lazy"; you are hypervigilant.
• You aren't "dramatic"; your nervous system is overcharged from a war you didn't start.
• Your "silence" wasn't a lack of personality; it was a Tactical Shield.

⚠️ A Warning to Teachers and Doctors: Look Past the Scans
If you have a student who is struggling with "ADHD-like" symptoms or experiencing physical issues like seizures, faints, or tremors where "nothing appears on medical scans," pay attention.

• The Misdiagnosis Trap: If "ADHD" symptoms get worse or seizures increase after starting stimulants, STOP. Look for the Blueprint of Abuse. You might be electrocuting a nervous system that is begging for peace.

• The "Quiet" Victim: Do not assume a child is "attention-seeking" just because doctors can't find a physical cause.

• The "Checkmate" Signs: If a child flinches at loud noises, "zones out" constantly, or whose "ADHD" spikes after weekends put the calls in.
To my fellow educators: You might be the only person who doesn't have a "tight grasp" on their bicep. Stop waiting for a "clear scan" and start looking at the clear signs of a child in pain.

Advocate for the child, not the parents' comfort.

🕊️💜🕯️ Break the Silence 🕯️💜🕊️

4 months ago | [YT] | 21

Stacey R

Part 3: Our Psychological Minds: The Combined Soundtrack and Screen of Survival

• The Survival Outcome: Transmuting Pain.  My "Internal Sanctuary" is no longer a secret. By creating music and art, I am taking the "survival state" I lived in for decades and turning it into something tangible. I am documenting my own existence, proving that even as my physical sight declines, my vision for my own life has never been clearer.
The "Post-Traumatic Growth" Connection

• The Safety Valve (Nervous System Regulation):
When you live in chronic trauma, your nervous system is "locked" in a state of high arousal. You are a walking pressure cooker. Media acts as a controlled release valve. By engaging with intense music or a frightening movie, you allow your body to experience the peak of fear or anger and then crucially reach a "resolution" when the song or movie ends. This teaches your brain how to come back down from a "Survival State" to a "Rest State" in a way your real-life environment never allowed.

• Ordeal Simulation (The Survival Blueprint): Psychologists believe we gravitate toward "high-stakes" stories because they act as a psychological training ground.  Seeing a character survive a zombie apocalypse or a slasher villain helps your subconscious process your own stressors. It is "practice" for being afraid and moving forward anyway. You weren't just watching a story; you were studying the mechanics of resilience. You were building a mental library of what it looks like to be cornered and still find a way out.

• Survival Resilience (The Internal Safe Room):
In a world of Domestic Violence, your privacy is invaded, and your identity is attacked. Music and art serve as a Sovereign Sanctuary. Because an abuser cannot hear your thoughts or feel what you feel when you hear a specific melody, they cannot colonize that space. This "Safe Room" is where your core self goes to hide, to preserve its spark, and to wait for the day it is safe to come out. It is the one place where you are the only authority.

The Overall Psychology Analogy: The Internal Architect
Think of your life as a house that was built in a permanent hurricane zone. Most people live in houses with glass windows and thin walls because the weather is calm. But because your "weather" was violent and unpredictable from the start, your brain had to become an Internal Architect.

• Music was the Foundation. It gave the house a steady, rhythmic pulse so the floor didn't fall out from under you.

• Horror Movies were the Storm Shutters. They gave you a way to name the "storm" outside and practice keeping the windows barred.

• Gaming was the Control Room. It was the one place where you could flip the switches and decide who entered and who was defeated.

• Creative Writing & Photography are the Renovations. Now that the storm has passed, you aren't just patching holes. You are tearing down the old, reinforced walls and replacing them with a gallery



A whisper in the Breeze 

She stumbled through life's garden hoping for freedom,
Only to see others were the ruler of her kingdom.
As she stripped away every fake disguise,
Broadcasted the manipulation and their blatant lies.
Planting her garden in each and every room,
Banishing the demons entrapped in their doom.

She may have stumbled but like a warrior she arose, 
Banishing the demons from up above and down below.
The petals started to bloom throughout every room,
Finally living in her kingdom no longer entrapped in their doom.
The whispers in the breeze says "it's now your time to thrive,"
Now's your chance to finally shout "it's great to be alive."


Leave a comment below with your "Soundtrack of Survival." What music or shows/movies got you through your hardest years?

🕊️💜🕯️ Break the Silence 🕯️💜🕊️

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4 months ago | [YT] | 12

Stacey R

Part 2: Our Psychological Minds: The Combined Soundtrack and Screen of Survival

🕰️ Mid-20s–Early 30s: Survival, Justice, and Agency

• Lived Experience:
The War Zone
During this time, I was trapped in a high-intensity DV relationship that involved every level of abuse. My daily life was a masterclass in Hypervigilance. I was constantly reading "micro-expressions," scanning for exits, and calculating the safest way to breathe.

• The Watchlist (Survival & Justice): The Walking Dead (Main Show), Final destination, Resident Evil, Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds.

• The Walking Dead Connection:
This wasn't just entertainment; it mirrored my internal reality.  In a world of "Walkers" and unpredictable humans, the characters have to be hyper-aware to stay alive.  Watching Rick Grimes or Daryl Dixon scan their surroundings felt like a reflection of how I had to scan my own living room.  It validated my need to stay on high alert. One line that made sense to me was "Don't fear the dead Fear the living."

• The Justice Release: Shows like SVU and Criminal Minds were a psychological necessity.  In my real life, the "bad guy" was winning every day and there was no accountability. In these shows, the truth always came out, and the predator was always put in handcuffs. That 44-minute cycle of "Crime to Justice" provided the only sense of closure and fairness I had in the world.

• Gaming (Reclaiming Agency):
The Last of Us, Call of Duty, GTA.

• Taking the Wheel: Domestic violence is designed to strip away your Agency (your power to choose).  In gaming, I was the protagonist.  I held the controller. I decided where to walk, how to fight, and how to win.  When I was being silenced in my own home, gaming allowed me to be the one with the power to fight back and survive.  It was "practice" for standing my ground. My secret to doing this He was a gamer and liked these games so made it seem that I played them cause he wanted to. He also liked these shows as well so he always felt he had the control.

• The Secret Soundtrack (Internal Sanctuary):
Evanescence, Three Days Grace, Theory of a Deadman, Avril Lavigne, Maroon 5.

• Protection of Self: I intentionally kept my passion for music hidden in solitude. I knew that in an abusive relationship, anything you love can be weaponized against you. By keeping my music to myself, I ensured it stayed "pure." It was the one part of my soul they couldn't touch, mock, or take away. Songs like "I Hate Everything About You" or "Bring Me to Life" were the anthems I sang in my head to keep my spirit from flatlining.

• The Survival Outcome: Tactical Resilience
This period was about Simulation and Sovereignty. I used movies to process my fear, justice shows to maintain my hope for truth, and gaming to remember what it felt like to have power. I was building a "shadow self" that was strong enough to eventually break free.
The "Control" Connection
In trauma therapy, this is often called "Compensatory Control." When your physical life is chaotic and out of your control, your brain seeks out environments (like gaming or procedurals) where the rules are clear and you have a say in the outcome. It’s how you prevented your mind from completely breaking under the pressure of the abuse.

🕰️ Age 40–Mid-40s: Reclaiming the Narrative
• The Shift:
The Physical Toll. After the high-intensity DV relationship finally ended, the decades of trauma and lifelong vision issues (cataracts and retina damage) culminated in me becoming Clinically Blind (20% vision left and declining). * Note: Many assume that "clinically blind" means seeing nothing but total darkness, but for me, it is a fading, blurry world where I am constantly fighting to keep what sight remains.

• The Loss of the "Screen Shield": Because of my declining vision, the tools I used for decades watching horror movies and high-intensity shows became almost impossible to access. I could no longer see the "monsters on the screen" that used to help me process my fear. This could have been a breaking point, but instead, it forced a Biological Pivot.

• The Pivot: From Observer to Author. When I couldn't watch someone else’s story anymore, my brain looked for a new way to release the pressure. I moved toward Photography, Photo-editing, and Songwriting.  Technology as an Equalizer: Using my phone allows me to zoom text to a massive size and adjust the contrast. This digital "magnifying glass" became my new eyes.

• Photography & Editing: I started capturing the world as I see it focusing on the beauty and the raw details that others might miss.

• Current Music (The Raw Truth):
Ren, GAWNE, NF,  Skydaddy, Metallica, Linkin Park, Evanescence.

• The Truth-Tellers: I gravitate toward artists who don't hide their pain. Ren, NF and Skydaddy, in particular, speak to the intersection of medical trauma, mental health, and the "Painful Truth." They showed me it's normal to be honest and raw in my own songwriting.

• The Psychology of Reclaiming Power: This is the era of Total Agency.  For 40 years, I used other people’s stories (movies, games, and lyrics) as a shield to survive. Now, I am bringing my own lyrics to life through melody, also my journey through myAutobiography book Tales of Trilogies where everything Intertwines. I've combined all my knowledge to be a mentor advocate for others living in or have gone through Domestic Violence, mental health and chronic illnesses. I am no longer looking for "clues" on how to survive in a movie; I am writing the manual for others.  I am no longer the observer of the battle; I am the voice for the voiceless to guide them towards their own life's victory.

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4 months ago | [YT] | 10